Coffee and Cigarettes
by dontcryMasha
Summary: *UPDATE: Decided to add all the sex you wanted. Some chapters are longer now! Chapter 1 through 15 update so far!* After the band has fallen apart, Kendall and Logan build a life together. There will be some bumps in the road, though. Kogan. Slash. M for language, sexuality, romance, mild drug use.
1. Morning

Early morning in LA. It's a pretty decent time. Everyone is either hung over or getting ready for work. The world is waking up, but it's still a little bit quiet. You can get some thinking done before the noise fills the city in it's entirety.

After I clicked on the coffee pot, I slid open the balcony door and stepped out for a smoke. The air was still and dry. I put a cigarette into the corner of my mouth and lit up. Billows of smoke poured from my nostrils and floated away. What a great morning. I sat down on one of the stools we have out there and leaned over the balcony. There were a few people walking around downstairs. I wondered what they were doing. Where they were going. Heavy thoughts in the morning.

I heard the door slide open, followed by soft footsteps. The smell of coffee surrounded me. "You up finally?" I said.

"Yeah."

I turned my head and smiled at Logan. He was standing there with some massive bedhead, clutching his favorite cup (it says, "SCIENCE!") full of coffee. He rubbed his eyes with one hand and yawned.

"You could've slept in," I said, taking another drag on my cigarette.

"It's no fun without you." Logan took a sip of coffee and put it down on the little glass table we have out there. He climbed up in my lap with his back to me. I put my free hand around his waist. "What'cha doin' out here?" He asked.

I stared at him sarcastically and wiggled my cigarette around.

"I wish you'd quit," he said.

"I know. Just impossible to kick."

"Well, I _still _love you, even with tar breath," Logan said cutely. He kissed me on the nose and smiled.

"Well, _I _still love_ you_, even with your condescending health tips."

"Hey! I'm just looking out for you!" Logan teased. I stuck out my tongue and made a "nyeeeeh" at him. He sighed and took up his coffee again.

"Maybe _that_ isn't so good for you?" I said.

"It's fine," he answered before he took a sip. I made an icky face. "What?" He asked.

"Nothin'."

"Don't get me started on icky things you do!" Logan said.

"Oh yeah? Like _what_?"

"Leaving your underpants on the floor. Flossing in the living room."

"I don't floss in the living room," I protested. Logan took another sip of coffee and narrowed his eyes at me. "You think I haven't found pieces of floss tucked into the sofa? I don't think you realize how much I clean when you're working."

"Okay, caught me red handed," I said. I pressed out my cigarette into the ashtray on the ledge and put both of my arms around Logan's waist. He giggled as I tickled him a little bit.

"It's alright," Logan said. "Just be thankful that you have me to clean up after you."

"Yeaaah, yeeaaaah," I said, mumbling against his back. "Thanks."

I reached for his hands and held them gently. My thumb brushed over the ring on his left hand. I smiled to myself as I touched the faceted diamond. "May 1st," I said quietly.

"I knoooooow," Logan cooed. He turned his head around and looked at me with stars in his eyes. "I'm so excited. I was thinking you could wear a white suit, and I'll wear a black one."

"Whatever you want," I said. I pulled at him to turn around. "We should practice our kiss."

He readjusted himself, now facing me. He put his hands on my face as we leaned into each other. I laughed and said, in a very low, mocking voice, "_I now pronounce you Mister and Mister Knight_." Logan giggled and blushed. I opened my eyes real wide and added, "No, seriously. It's going to go like that. You can't crack up so much."

But he kept laughing. I love putting him on the spot. I placed my hands behind his head and pulled him to me. We kissed chastely.

"I don't care how it happens," Logan said. "As long as it does."

"Makes sense," I agreed and kissed him once more.

"Do you want to pick out those suits when you come home from work today?" Logan asked. He climbed off of my lap and went to go inside.

"Sure. I'll try to get off early. But not _too _early!" We both laughed. He held his coffee in one hand, and took my fingers in the other. He led me back into the condo, looking over his shoulder and smiling at me.


	2. Evening

I was in a pretty crappy mood when I came home. People were being dickheads at the office and traffic was unusually bad. Usually I make it back a little after 5, but I didn't park at my building until 6. The front door was unlocked; Logan knows when I'm late, I'll be cranky, and fumbling with my stupid keys at the door always accelerates my anger. I can count on Logie to have my best interest at heart.

The door opened with ease and I stepped into my condo. _Our _condo. There was no immediate sign of my fiancé, but that doesn't mean anything. I tossed my briefcase to the ground, kicked off my shoes and went straight to the sofa in the common area. I flopped down and took in the cool ability to relax.

"LOGGIIIIIIIIE!" I called out. "I'M HOOOOME!"

_Tut tut tut tut_. Those soft little footsteps came bundling out of the bedroom and ran up behind me. Without saying anything, Logan leaned over the back of the sofa and threw his arms around my shoulders.

"Hey," I said, looking back at him.

"Hi!" He peeped at me.

"Give me a kiss." I reached around and took his chin in my palm. Our lips met briefly.

"Bad day?" Logan asked.

"Yeah," I told him. I signaled for him to join me on the couch, so he hurtled over the back and plopped down beside me. He snuggled up against my body real nice. "Stupid Collins and his stupid bullshit. 'Oh Mr. Knight, don't forget this. Oh Mr. Knight, make sure you do that. Oh Mr. Knight, stop making fun of me.'"

"Awwww, honey," Logan cooed. He looked up at me and made puppy dog eyes. He was being silly of course, but it still looked totally adorable. "I'm sorry," he said.

"It's all good," I told him with a smile. "The day is over, and I can just forget about all of it. But uh, I didn't mean to be late. Maybe we can put off suit shopping 'til tomorrow?"

"Totally cool by me," Logan said. He now put his legs up on the sofa and stretched out with his head in my lap. "We have plenty of time."

I took up the TV remote and flipped it on. MTV was playing some hokey music video. I chuckled to myself.

"What?" Logan asked, peering up at me.

"Do you miss this at all?" I asked him with a snide smile.

"Sometimes, yeah."

Ten years ago, we dropped out of the spotlight. After our third album, Big Time Rush seemed to lose popularity. Our contract was up for renewal, but our sales were starting to plummet. Instead of desperately resuscitating a group that was destined to perish, we all decided to let the contract expire and go separate ways. James and Carlos stayed in show business, but I think Logan and I never really wanted it to begin with. Sooner or later, our lives wound us up here. Did I mention that our condo is paid for? Yeah, that's right. I owe nothing. We still bring in some money from the band, but it's not a whole lot, so I'm working full time.

"I definitely miss seeing Carlos and James," I said. "But I can do without the drama. A simple life seems better."

"Hmmm…" Logan sighed.

"What?"

"Nothin'." His eyes glazed absentmindedly. I tousled his hair, but he didn't react.

"Come on, what's bugging you?" I insisted.

"I miss making people happy," Logan said quietly. He fidgeted his fingers around. "You know...the fans, the concerts."

"Missing that is better than knowing you desperately clung to a band as it fell apart. That's a disappointment to everyone."

"True," Logan said. He sighed and frowned. I hate it when he gets worried. Poor guy thinks too hard about the wrong things sometimes, I swear. "I feel like an underachiever."

"Whaaaaa?" I quickly sat back and hoisted Logan up by his shoulders. I sat him on his butt and stared him straight in the eyes. "Listen here," I said seriously. He looked disoriented. "You've done great things. You've done more good with the first 20 years of your life than most people do with it all. I don't want to hear you saying shit like that, okay? How were your classes today? How about that?"

Logan sniffled a bit and scrunched his nose up. "They were good," he told me quietly. I put my arms around him and held his cute little frame close. He hummed into the crook of my neck sadly.

"Don't be so glum," I whispered. "And besides, you make me really happy." I let go and got back in his face. He gave me a little kiss on the cheek and I said, "Picking up my underwear, throwing away my floss, doing the dishes, keeping this place in ship shape. I think it's pretty remarkable that you can be a housewife _and _student."

"I'm not a housewife yet, silly." Those adorable dimples popped up on his face as he gave me a sweet, sweet smile. He likely doesn't realize how insanely cute he is. "Oh yeah!" He said suddenly.

"What."

"We _can't_ go shopping tomorrow."

"Why not?"

"Your mom called today."

"Wha! My mom?!" I grimaced. It's never good when my mom calls. She still wants to micromanage my life. Oh, how I wish she had gone back to Minnesota once we ended our contract. But no. She's still hanging around. Katie went home though, after she turned 18. "I've gotten all I can out of this rat trap," she said.

"Yeah, she wants to come over for dinner tomorrow, sooooooooooo…"

"No, you didn't!" I put my hands on my hips and made a teasing face. Logan grinned sheepishly. "Yeaah, I kinda did," he said.

"Ughh. Okay, that's fine. That's fine." I slumped back into the sofa and started flipping through channels. "Kinda wish you'd ask me first, but you're allowed to make decisions, too."

Logan poked my side. "Sorry."

"I said it's fine, and I mean it," I tried to reassure him. I wasn't actually mad, just a little disappointed. Having had such a crappy day, it sent me back up the rage ladder. "But you're doing the cooking."

"Yeah of course," Logan said. He propped his head up on my shoulder and joined me in TV watching. There wasn't really anything good on. As I went through the "intelligent" channels, Logan blurted out, "Ooo! Oooooo! OOO!" as he pointed at the screen. "Back, back, back, back!" I returned to the last channel. It was some medical documentary. They were talking about uteruses and stuff.

"Oh, sick, dude. Why do you want to watch this?" I said, pretending to gag.

"It's about Endometriosis. We've been studying that in my Women's Health class. Pleeeasssee?"

"Fine, fine." I rolled my eyes, smiled and shook my head. He's smart, but sometimes acts so childish. We leaned our heads against each other and watched his stupid uterus show.


	3. Night

We kept watching TV for about forty minutes or so. The sun was going down, and throughout the condo there was a really amazing smell. I sort of forgot about dinner, but Logan always has it well thought out so there was no reason to worry about it getting messed up.

"YAWN!" I spurted out. The show was almost over and man, it had been hard to sit through. Too many videos of chick's insides.

"I for one enjoyed it," Logan said. It was the first words in a while. "Oh!" The oven timer went off and he suddenly jumped up.

"What'cha make, by the way?" I asked. Logan hurried off to the kitchen. I turned my head around and kept an eye on him. He took a pair of potholders out from their drawer, dropped down the oven door and pulled out a casserole dish.

"Oh, yeah!" I shouted. _That's _what the smell was. I got to my feet and met him in the kitchen. He placed the golden-red lasagna onto a trivet and beamed with pride. I stuck my nose out over it and inhaled deeply. Logan seriously makes the best lasagna EVER.

"Logie, you seriously make the best lasagna EVER!" I said. "I should have asked earlier. Would've helped my mood."

"Oohh, 'waaah'," Logan teased. He tapped the tip of my nose and shooed me away from his work station. "Give me a few minutes, okay? What do you want to drink?"

"Got any beer left?"

"I think so."

"Then, uh, yeah. A beer. Thanks." I gave him a kiss on the top of his head and lightly ran a finger along his back. Hurrying about the place suddenly, probably a little caught off-guard by the time that passed during his lame documentary, Logan snatched a bottle opened from a narrow drawer and took one of the last beers from the fridge. "Hey, I can open it," I told him. He was multitasking too much, and when he gets caught up in a frenzy he sometimes breaks down. He smiled and gave me the beer and church key. "Gonna step outside real quick," I said.

"Okay." I watched Logan try to juggle plating the lasagna and putting garlic bread in the oven, and God knows what else.

"Sure you don't need help?" I asked.

"Sure! Thanks."

"Oooookay!" I said. So I grabbed my beer and popped out onto the porch. There's a pack of cigarettes out on the table almost always. I buy them in twos. One for my car and one for the table (duh). I cracked open the beer, lit up a jack and took my usual seat. Night time was spreading its blanket over the city. All of the crazy lights that pop up at sundown were turning on. It was peaceful. I certainly didn't miss being in a band.

I looked over my shoulder and watched Logan in the kitchen. He likes to put the food directly onto our plates and then bring them out. Apparently it "saves water" because he uses less plates and therefor there's less to wash. I don't know. I don't really care. Whatever makes him happy. He caught my eye and waved for me to come in. One last exhale of smoke and I put the cigarette out. I took up my beer and went back inside.

"Ready!" Logan said cheerily. I gave him a kiss on the cheek, washed my hands and finally sat down at the little dinner table. It looked great. A big slab of oozy, meaty, steamy, cheesy lasagna stared up at me. It sat beside a chunk of aromatic garlic bread.

"Baby, it looks great," I said.

Logan blushed and said, "Oohh, you!"

"You're just having water?" I asked.

"Yeah, and?" He raised his glass of clear liquid quizzically.

"Beer," I said, pointing at my bottle. "Water. No alcohol? Come on, live a little, Logie."

"Okay, well," Logan began, using that silly way of explaining that he does. "I was going to keep it a surprise, but I bought some champagne on my way home from class today."

"_Champagne_?" I widened my eyes. "Fancy, much? Hope you didn't spend too much."

"Nah. You know how frugal I am."

"_Oh_ yeah."

Logan stuck his tongue out at me and shoved a small bite of lasagna into his mouth. "Mmm. Oh, I just thought we could celebrate a little. You know." He motioned to the ring on his finger.

"I _totally _agree," I said with a smile.

Dinner was fantastic and I ate it a little too fast. Logan always takes his time, so I finished before him (typical me). I chucked my empty beer into the recycling and started cleaning up the plates.

"Ohhh, I'll do it," Logan said from the table.

"No, no. You made it, so I'll clean. Don't worry. How about you get that champagne out?"

"Oh…okay!" He happily handed me his just-emptied plate with both hands, then ran to the fridge and pulled out a conservative looking bottle. It had a deep orange label which read something in French that I couldn't care less about. Bubbly is bubbly. "I think I'll run a bath for us," Logan said. He gave me a small peck on the lips and ran out of the kitchen. A bath? That sounded nice. I hurried up and finished cleaning.

By the time I was done and I came to the bathroom, Logan was already sitting in the tub. He filled it with bubbles and steaming water.

"Come ooonnn!" He whined. "Look." He pointed to the floor where two champagne flutes plus the bottle, still unopened, sat. I chuckled to myself and picked the alcohol up.

"Ready?" I called out. He put his hands over his ears (loud noises startle him sometimes). I uncorked that sucker and it went **POW **as expected. Before it foamed all over me, I grabbed one of the glasses and filled it almost all the way up. Making sure not to spill any, I handed it over to Logan. Then I filled mine. For a moment I set it down on the sink, just so I could get undressed. I slipped out of my work clothes, took the glass again and slowly lowered myself into the tub. Almost too hot.

"Not bad, huh?" Logan asked.

"Delicious!" I remarked. I tickled him with my foot. "Champagne's not bad either!" We both laughed.

"Oh, Kendall," Logan sighed. He took a small sip of the alcohol and licked his lips. "I'm really looking forward to this."

"It won't be much different," I said. Kind of a buzz kill. I didn't realize until it already slipped out. "We've already been living together for, what, seven months?"

"Something like that."

"Come here," I said. I finished off my booze way before him, (see? I always finish first). I stretched my legs out, pressed them together, and pulled Logan onto my lap with his back to me. My arms slipped around his waist, and he leaned on me. I put my cheek against his shoulder and closed my eyes. I heard him take another sip.

"Hmmm…" I sighed.

"What?"

"Just happy, that's all."


	4. Breakfast

Today was Logan's early class, so he was up before me. I set my alarm for 7:30, since I don't have to be in the office until 8:45. This morning, the alarm didn't get the chance to go off. A great, warm smell woke me up instead. Breakfast is typically just instant oatmeal or something, but Logan felt inspired today. So I stretched, yawned, sat up in bed and rolled my legs over to the side. I flipped off the alarm so it wouldn't disturb me later. I sniffed a few times. Yep. Pancakes. I dropped a tank top over my chest (not quite sure why. Logan certainly wouldn't care if I came into the kitchen with just boxers. I guess it feels classless) and slopped myself out of the bedroom.

Logan was pouring batter onto the griddle, moving his shoulders and singing to himself. I did my best to creep up behind him, but I must have been louder than I thought. He turned around quickly and said, "Morning!" way too loud.

"Dugghhh…morning," I groaned. "Too sleepy for this noise. Uggh…errr…"

"Awww, is widdle Kenny-Wenny sweeepy?"

"Shut uuupppp!" I growled. "Kenny-Wenny is hungwy." Logan burst into laughter at the voice I was doing. I'm not really a baby talk person, and he knows this (which is why is does it to be a jerk). "A few more minutes, k?" Logan said. "How about you uh," he cleared his throat and whispered, "Brush your teeth?"

"Oh. Sorry." Embarrassed by his very obvious hint, I covered my mouth and dashed to the bathroom. He usually takes longer than he says, so I decided to do all of my washing up right then and there. Since I bathed so late the night before, I didn't bother jumping in the shower. It's not gross. Shut up!

When I came back out, the food was ready. Everything was sitting on the table. Logan made the pancakes real big; I like those 'cause they fit the plates nicely.

"Well, well, well," I said. "Somebody's feeling inspired today, huh?"

"Oh, yeah. You know. I'm just happy!" He cheered and took his seat at the table.

"I like it when you're happy," I said, taking up my fork. "Not just because I get amazing breakfasts, but also because I like it when you're happy!"

Logan flashed his dimples at me and took a sip of coffee. "So, looking forward to dinner with Mama Knight?"

"Not especially," I said as I cut into the pancakes. Suddenly I wasn't quite as hungry. Logan glared at me. "What?" I asked in defense.

"You love your mom! Why are you being so weird about this?"

"Of course I _love _her, I just don't really _like _her."

"That's rude."

"What?" Logan was staring at me. I glared back with my eyes wide open. "What?" I asked again. He sighed to himself and took another sip of coffee.

"Nothing," he said reluctantly.

"Come on. Loogiieeee."

"Mama Knight did a good job raising you, and you tell me you don't even like her?"

I rolled my eyes a stuffed a piece of pancake into my mouth. They were so fluffy that it was hard to stay confused on the bitter conversation.

"Okay, well I guess I do like her," I said. Now would be a good time for my first cigarette. Damn. "But I haven't even talked to her since we got engaged. And I know she's been a little hostile since I told her and we were going out."

"She's cool," Logan assured me. "We talked for a long time. She's cool, I promise." His brow wrinkled in sincerity.

"Okay," I said, nodding. I cut off another slab of the amazing breakfast. "Okay. But if things get awkward tonight, uhhh, distract her."

"Whaaa?" Logan's face fell flat. "I'm not good at things like that, you know it! I crack under pressure!"

"Kidding!" I said. The fear left his face. "If she doesn't like anything, she can go fuck herself."

"Ugghh," Logan groaned. We both kept eating in silence for a little bit, and when I was done (yeah, first again) I put my dishes in the sink and excused myself to the balcony. To be honest, I was really worried about my mom coming over. The last time that we talked it didn't go so well. She called after Logan moved in with me, and the conversation went something like this:

"Congratulations," she said, bitterly.

"Thanks, ma. But I don't think you mean it."

"I do."

"No, you don't."

"Kendall…"

"What?!"

"I'm just not crazy about this."

"I know you aren't. I can tell. I'm not an idiot."

"Kendall, you're talking to me like a bratty teen. Stop."

"Sorry," I apologized, and I meant it. She was right, partially. But _she_ should have been sorry, too.

"It was awkward having to explain this to Katie," my mom said.

"How? She's not a little kid anymore."

"She'll always feel like that to me. Oh, I don't know. Kendall, are you sure you're really gay?"

"Mom."

"What? It's an honest question."

"That's totally rude."

"Okay, fine. If you don't want to answer it, that's fine. That's fine. Anyway, I have to go. I'll talk to you later, sweetheart."

"Bye." She didn't answer and hung up. I felt shitty after that call. Real, real shitty. But I didn't seem necessarily to tell Logan about all of it. I withheld her rude question, since I didn't want him to hate her, too. But maybe she had finally accepted it? Actually, a few months isn't too bad to come to terms with it. Some parents take years. Decades. Eons. Never!

I lit up a cigarette and of course took my usual seat, overlooking the LA view I'm so familiar with. It wasn't rush hour yet. The world was still mildly quiet. I watched some birds fly overhead. The porch door slid open and Logan came out. He had his "SCIENCE!" mug in his hands. I pushed the cigarette out in the ashtray and motioned for him to come into my arms. He smiled and climbed up on my lap, facing me.

"It'll be fine tonight," he said in a confident whisper. "I promise. Just relax."

"I'm worried about it," I admitted.

"I know." Logan wrapped his arms around my shoulders and gave me a delicate, adorable little kiss on the lips. He licked my earlobe once and whispered, "It's going to be _fine_."

"I guess."

"If she was mad, she wouldn't come over."

"That," I said, nodding. "Is true! Yeah. That's definitely true. She wouldn't come over just to give me a hard time. Sure, she's difficult; but she isn't _crazy_."

"Yup! See?"

"Thanks," I said. We both smiled a bit and kissed again. He tasted like coffee. Go figure. "Well, _I _gotta get ready for work. And _you _gotta get ready for school."


	5. Dinner

**You wanted longer chapters? Okay. Here you go! **

"Okaayy…in, out, in out…in…jeez…damn…okay. Not a big deal." I was talking to myself while getting dressed, trying to breathe like a normal human being.

When I came home, I threw off my work clothes, popped in the shower real quick and then picked out a sensible dress shirt and pants. I secured my nicest tie under my collar, smoothed down my hair, put on a little extra cologne and grimaced at my reflection.

"What's a matter?" Logan called from the bedroom.

"'Cool' or not, I'm still worried," I told him. I checked my teeth in the mirror.

"I told you, it's going to be _fine_."

"I know, I know. Hey, what are you wearing?"

"That red silk shirt. You know, the one."

"Yeah, yeah. Nice." I flipped off the light in the bathroom and walked in on Logan. He was putting up his shirt neurotically. "Make sure you iron it five times, now!" I teased.

"Husssh. I do not iron my clothes five times…maybe three…four."

"Neat freak!" I exclaimed. I sauntered up behind my fiancé and put my arms around his shoulders. "You look good, though."

"Thanks. You, too."

"And dinner?"

"Ready, just warming in the oven."

"Swweeeet. What time is it?" I grabbed Logan's wrist and checked his watch. 7:12. Mom said she'd make it around 7:30, so we had some time to kill. "You want something warming in _your _oven?"

Logan blushed. "Uhh, hahah," he said sheepishly. "I don't think there's enough time for that, plus it would mess up these clothes that I-"

"Already ironed five times," I finished his sentence. "Yeah, yeah, fine. You're no fun, you know that?"

"I know," Logan teased. He stuck out his tongue and kissed the top of my hand. "Gotta go set the table." He left the bedroom and I sat on the bed like a grump. Images of my mom being condescending overwhelmed me. But perhaps Logan was right? Maybe she was going to be okay with it. Oh my God. My thoughts were being so indecisive! I got up and walked out into the dining room area, where Logie was buzzing around like a cute little red silken bee!

"Need help?" I offered.

"Got it taken care of, but thanks! Oh, how about you grab the chardonnay from the fridge?

"Yeah, sure." I meandered to the kitchen and pulled out the bottle he was talking about. "Should I open it?"

"Uh-huh, go ahead." Before I had the chance to even get the corkscrew out, the door buzzer sounded. My heart leaped.

"Get it, Kenny," Logan said. He put his hands on his hips and tipped his chin to the front door. "It's _your _mama."

I sighed drearily and slumped off to the front door. My blood pressure was sky rocketing. I hadn't seen her in a while. Would she be much different? What if she went through a major make over? When I opened the front door, that same old mom that I always knew was standing there. She looked nice. Before I had the chance to say anything, she gave me a big hug. I held my breath as she patted me on the back a bunch of times.

"Hi, mom," I said.

"It's good to see you, Kendall."

"Hey, Mama Knight!" Logan called out, now in the kitchen. He was taking the dish out of the oven.

"Mama-_in-Law_ Knight, to you!" My mom answered with a laugh. Wow, she _was _cool with it now. She handed me a white box that had a big fluffy blue bow on top. "I brought dessert," she said. I thanked her and put it on the kitchen counter.

"Mom, can I get you a drink? Go ahead and sit down."

"I can get it myself."

"No, no. Mom, come on." I blockaded her entry to the kitchen. Her face struggled for a moment, but then she gave up and went to the table. "So what do you want?" I asked.

"I have a nice chardonnay tonight, Mama-in-Law," Logan said. "It'll go well with my chicken and mushroom risotto bake."

"Oh, wow!" My mom exclaimed. "I thought you were going to be a doctor, and here you are a chef!"

Logan blushed and giggled. "I guess I'll be both," he said as he poured her a glass of wine. "I never realized how talented I was in the kitchen until I gave it a try. It kind of grew on me. And since lazy Kendall here would live on ramen noodles if you don't stop him…"

"HA!" My mom spurt out. She took the wine that Logan held out to her and smiled warmly. "That's my Kendall. But he knows good food. You just have to put it in front of him."

"Yeah definitely. He'll eat whatever you lay out for him." Logan laughed with my mom, but I didn't think it was very funny. They were ganging up on me, practically! I wanted to say, "Yeah, like your ass," but I didn't. I was trying to be civilized. It gave me a good idea for after my mom left, though.

"Okay, funny, ha," I said. "Dinner ready yet, Logan?"

He nodded. "Can I have your plate, Mama-in-Law?"

"Of course, honey." She gave my fiancé her dinner plate and he proceeded to load it with the food he made. He handed it back to her, then took mine and did the same. I plopped down at the table and sighed.

"What's wrong, Kendall?" My mom asked. I looked at her grouchily.

"All you've done is teased me," I said.

"Oh, grow _up_, sweetie!" She said and gave me a jovial thump on the shoulder. "I'm just having fun. Don't be so sour."

"Yeah, listen to your mama," Logan teased from the kitchen.

"Can you just bring me my dinner, please? Thanks." I snapped.

"Kendall!" My mom hissed. "Don't talk to him like that. That's totally rude. You guys are about to get married, and _that's _how you treat him?"

"No! No, no. He's usually much nicer," Logan said. And I hoped it was honest, because I had just been pretty rude. "He had a bad day."

"Bad week, actually," I said. Logan gave me my food and I flashed a grin at him. "Thanks, babe," I said. He finally got his dinner ready, and we were all set to eat.

"You're gonna need this," Logan said. He handed me a big glass of wine.

"I guess." Wine isn't really my thing. It's okay. I just drink it because he does. I took a sip and winced. It actually wasn't too bad. My mom raised her glass, (almost empty already) and said, "To your engagement." We joined her in the toast and clinked glasses. I drank as much as I could and topped it off immediately. Alcohol makes everything tolerable!

"Ohh, Logan! This is amazing!" My mom said after she took a bite of the pasta. "Where did you learn to make this?"

"Found the recipe online," Logan replied meekly. "It's pretty simple. Want it?"

"_Yes_! Definitely. Wow! I'm really impressed! Kendall, you're gonna put on weight if you don't watch it!"

"Oh, ha ha. I still work out, ma."

"Does he, Logan? Does he still work out?"

"Yup!" Logan said. "We hit the gym together four times a week. I can still press more than him."

"Hush," I teased. "Don't let her think you're stronger. What will she think of me?" We both laughed. We all laughed. I was starting to feel better, or maybe it was just the alcohol.

"Soooo, Mama-in-Law, what'cha been up to?" Logan asked. My mom dabbed her napkin to her lips and swallowed.

"Well," she said. "Believe it or not, I recently caught up with James."

"Oh wow, no way?" I said.

"Way!" She answered. "When was the last time you two heard from him?"

"Eerrrr…" Logan and I looked at each other wearily. "Like, a while?" I said.

"I know, he told me," my mom said. "He says he wants to catch up you with before the wedding, but if not, he'll definitely be there."

"What's he working on these days?" Logan asked.

"A lot of voice overs."

"Aww, poor James. Hiding his pretty face," I said, scrunching my lips up.

"Hey, wherever the money is, right?" Logan said.

"Something like that," mom answered.

We continued on at this pace for a while, until I was at my fourth glass of wine and dinner was all gone. After I helped Logan clear the table, (we also ended up caving and had my mom help, too) we brought that white box out. Inside, there was a beautiful little chocolate cake.

"It's so cute!" Logan exclaimed, his eyes shining.

"I bought it at that new Korean bakery. Have you been there?" My mom asked. We both shook our heads. "After you eat this, you'll be regulars."

Logan served us each a thin slice. It actually wasn't cake. It was solid chocolate mousse.

"Oh my God, Mrs. Knight," Logan said after he took a bite. He looked orgasmic (and that looks _goooood_). "I'm the one who's going to be gaining weight. Holy crap."

"Evil, right?" My mom asked. Logan nodded intensely. I, on the other hand, was a little caught up in wine and risotto heaven to enjoy the cake very much. I ate my slice for what it was worth, but promised the dessert that I'd see to it in the morning.

Logan made coffee and we moved to the living room area. We all sat down on the sofa.

"The place looks good," my mom said. "You keep it nice and clean. But I guess it's not Kendall doing the cleaning."

Logan smiled with pride, but I frowned. "Mom," I said.

"Kenny, we both know you _really _well," Logan said. "And being neat and tidy just isn't your thing. Nothing wrong with that."

"Yeah, yeah. Okay." I slumped back against the cushions and pouted.

My mom rattled my shoulder and laughed. "Don't be such a sourpuss! Wow! Logan, how do you deal with this?"

"He's usually much nicer," Logan said. "Just been a little down lately."

"Pre-wedding blues, I guess," my mom said.

"Huh?" I asked.

'Pre-wedding blues," she reiterated. "It happens to a lot of people, especially men. Before they get married, they suddenly realize how much of their life is going to change. Even if you've been living together. It's mostly just a subconscious trick, but you feel like your life _might _be over."

"My life isn't over," I protested.

"I said it's mostly subconscious."

"Oh, blah!" I said, flapping my wrists towards my mother. "Whatever!"

"Well I know I'm delighted," Logan chimed in. "I can't wait for the, 'I do!'"

"Awww…" my mom cooed and looked out our balcony. She suddenly gazed very far away. I heard her sigh gently to herself.

"What's up, mom?"

"Nothing," she said in a content, hushed tone.

"Nah, Mama Knight, it's something," Logan said. She looked at him and chuckled.

"My boy is getting married," she said. "Sure, it's not exactly how I envisioned it, but he's still getting married. And his…husband is a great match for him. You two really suit each other well. Logan, you can cook and clean for him, and Kendall, you can…er…"

"Provide," I said nastily. I looked at my mom and gave her the wide-eyed, "duuuuh" stare down that I've perfected over the years. "Need I remind you that it's me paying for the food? And the cleaning supplies? And the _medical school_?"

"Well, I have some grants, too," Logan said quietly. I shot daggers at him with my eyes. "Buuuut he does cover most of the costs!"

"Until you actually become a doctor," my mom said. "And then, Logan, you'll be working much more than Kendall. And you'll both have to start cooking and cleaning. But, you know, it'll work out fine!"

I never thought about that before. After Logan becomes a doctor, he _will _be working more than me. And then he'll be making more than me. And then _I'll _have to be the house wife. Inside, I was screaming. I wanted to punch my mom for bringing that up. But it wasn't her fault. She was right. I should have realized that earlier.

"I think I drank too much," I said, holding my stomach. "I'm gonna lay down."

"Aww, honey!" My mom cooed. She rubbed my head, and they both helped me get up.

"Well, I guess I should go," she finally said. "Call me, Kendall, okay? Let's do this again, and before you get married!"

"Okay, bye mom. I love you." I gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Logan did that same. She left with a wave, and Logan helped me get to bed.

"You _did _drink too much, Kendall," Logan said. "I can't believe that." He was laughing, but I wasn't. I felt like shit suddenly. I took off most of my clothes and slid into bed without even washing up first. I held onto my head and tried to block out the words my mom uttered.

"_And then, Logan, you'l l be working much more than Kendall,"_ I heard her echo in my mind. I groaned loudly.

"Aww, baby, you okay?" Logan asked. He rubbed my back tenderly.

"Yeah, I guess." I closed my eyes, and sleep hit me faster than Logan becoming head of the household.


	6. Early

I mopped the floor. I dusted the furniture. I scrubbed out the tub, wiped down all of the windows, and put away the laundry. When everything was almost done, Logan came in.

"Honey, I'm home!" He shouted and put his suitcase down by the door. I came scampering out of the laundry room, clicking along in my high heels and stuffed into a tight dress. Logan kissed me on the cheek.

"Dinner ready?" He asked. I nodded and led him to the table, which was full of food I had painstakingly prepared all day. "Great," said Logan. He put an arm around me and whispered, "And for dessert, you're gonna take it up the ass!"

**"AH!"**

I woke up sweating. And screaming. Wow. That dream was wrong on so many levels. Oh God. I turned over and saw Logan lying beside me. His eyes were open. "Sorry," I said. "Did I wake you up?"

"Yes," he mumbled. "Bad dream?"

"Horrible."

"What was it?"

"I…I don't remember," I lied. Looking at the clock by the bed, I saw it was only quarter to four in the morning. Then I remembered it was Saturday. I had plenty of time to get back to sleep. But I was sort of afraid to. "Honey?" I asked.

"Yeeaaah?" Logan looked up at me sweetly. I faced him and pulled his body close to mine.

"You would never…fuck my ass, right?" I asked. Logan burst into laughter.

"Whaat? Where did that come from? And noooo, I wouldn't."

"Okay," I said. I gave him a kiss on the forehead and told him to go back to sleep.

"Not sure if I can," he said, still giggling. "Did you dream I was fucking you?"

"Yeah, kinda."

"I wouldn't do that unless you asked me to," Logan promised. "And I'm totally happy getting pounded raw, okay?"

"Okay."

Sleep found its way into Logan's head shortly thereafter, but I was stuck awake. I rolled onto my back and stared up at the dark ceiling. Once upon a time, I had promised Logan that I would do anything to make him happy. That would include inconveniencing myself. It seems I forgot that being a doctor would take up most of his time. How did I not realize that? I quick peeked over at him. He was sleeping sweetly. So maybe I was overreacting? To be fair, he still has like 6 years until he'll be doctoring. Who knows what our lives will be like by then?

I got a little closer to Logan, now facing him, and used my arms to pull him against me. He was still sleeping. I held him to my chest. I held him and held him. My fears or jealousy would not get in the way of our love. A sweet little sleep-grumble rolled out of his mouth. I smiled at how cute it was. What was he dreaming? Hopefully not fucking me. Ha. Along my waist fell his hands. Tiny movements in his fingertips tickled me. He was fidgeting in his sleep; he does that a lot. When he dreams hard, his body wriggles all over the place. I've been trying to tell when it's a nightmare, but I've yet to be successful. The slow rising and sinking of his chest began to rock in unison with mine. I guess I closed my eyes eventually and managed to slip into dreamland alongside him.

A very pleasant morning ended up greeting me several hours later. Just as the sun was coming through our bedroom window, I opened my eyes slowly and saw Logan staring back at me. I was on my back again, and he must've climbed up onto my chest. "Heeey," he said quietly. I touched my hands to his back and arched my back.

"Yo," I mumbled. "How long've you been on me?"

"Not long," Logan said. He cupped my face in his hands and kissed me on the lips. "Just enough to watch you sleep _a little_. You've got some morning wood, by the way."

"Oh? Oh, I do." Once I shifted my attention down there, I realized that he was right. I was trying to pitch a tent right into his. I basically ignored it and kissed him again. Our mouths locked and he melted against my face. I ran my fingertips up and down his spine, sending chills throughout his body. He moaned into my mouth and batted his tongue against mine. I tried my best to stay quiet. The smacking of our lips in the morning is my very favorite sound, and I wanted to savor it. Logan kept moaning, so it was impossible. Don't get me wrong- I love that noise, too!

My firm cock throbbed next to his as he began to grind his hips against me. I opened my eyes and watched him keep his closed as we continued to kiss. Our dicks teased each other. The smacks of our lips was ever-so enticing. I'm thoroughly convinced that I could never fall out of love with Logan. He always turns me on, especially how his cute and firm body quivers as I touch it. Speaking of, my fingers continued to stroke his spine. He arched his back and let out a loud, wanton moan into my mouth. Here, I broke off the kiss and he moved back a few inches.

"Do you want me?" I asked. He nodded and looked very desperate. "What do you want?"

"I want you to fuck me," Logan whispered cutely.

"What's that?" I teased with a naughty smile.

"_I want you to fuck me_," he said, slightly louder.

"Want me to fuck you where?"

"Uhh. I want you to fuck my ass."

"Is that right?" I spoke in a seductive, quiet voice. It drives him crazy. He made a full smile, showing off his sweet dimples as his face flushed bright yet. "Yeah," he moaned.

"You want me to fuck your ass?" I asked, sliding my hands down his back and onto his butt cheeks. His breathing began to get louder and heavier. I rubbed my fingers in circles on his ass, slowly moving closer to his crack. His entire body convulsed slightly; the teasing was driving him crazy.

"Fuck me," Logan moaned desperately.

"Yeah? That what you want?"

"Please, please fuck me, Kendall," he pleaded.

My fingers rolled between his cheeks and lightly touched his asshole. He clenched slightly, and I felt his dick pulsate against mine. I brought my right hand home to my mouth for a moment and spit on two of my fingers. They returned to Logan's ass and tapped against his hole. I made small circles around the muscle, sending shivers up his spine and loud, breathy moans out of his mouth. I watched his face wrinkle up as he craved me inside him. My index finger slowly, slowly pressed into his asshole now, and Logan gasped and moaned. I bit my lower lip gently and he ground his butt against my hand.

"What do you want?" I whispered. My breath was also getting shorter.

"Deeper," he whined. I hummed to myself and slid my finger inside him further. His mouth fell open and a loud, choking moan poured out.

"You like that?" I asked.

"Mmmmmm…"

"Logie loves a little fingering in the morning, huh?"

"Yeeaaah."

As my pointer finger made its way up to the second knuckled, the next finger pressed inside. Logan's hands grabbed onto my shoulders and his nails dug into my skin. He stuck his butt out more, arching his back as much as he could, and tried to get me to go in him deeper. Before my second finger got very far, I slipped them both out. His nails clawed he and he cried out in pleasure and pain.

"Like that?" I asked.

"Ohhh…Kenny…" He closed his eyes tightly and gasped several times. "Please fuck me."

"Well, since you asked nicely," I said rather nonchalantly. I cupped his ass cheeks and slid him up a bit so that my cock was lined up with his crack. First, I ran my dick between his cheeks. He moaned a little quieter now and did his best to rub his ass against my cock. I rolled my head back and let out some heavy breaths as he did this. It felt great. Logan's hip rocked back and forth along my dick, grinding and pushing around.

"You want it raw, baby?" I asked.

"Y-yeah."

"Sure?"

"Uh huh."

I brought my fingers up to his mouth and dipped them inside. He licked and spread saliva all over them, keeping his eyes fixed on me. His breath was hot against my hand. Once he moistened them enough, I pulled my fingers out and brought them back to his ass. I spread the cheeks and rubbed my spit over his asshole. He tightened his hole, but relaxed as I dabbed them more. Logan's grip on my shoulders held steady, and now I took my dick into my hand and smacked it against his butt hole a couple times.

"Ready?" I asked.

"Pleeeaasse," Logan moaned. I grinned wickedly and pressed the head of my cock up to his rectum. I told him to relax and sit down. He grimaced, clawed into my shoulders harder, and slowly lowered himself onto my dick. As his hole stretched over my shaft, he arched his back and let out a wild, unfettered scream. He ground his hips around, moving closer and closer to me.

"Is it okay, babe?" I asked. Logan nodded and continued to squeal in pleasure. He managed to get it all deep, deep within him. The warmth of his ass sent ripples of ecstasy throughout my body. I ran my fingers up along his butt and to his hips, where I took a great hold of his soft skin and helped him ride me. We began to move in perfect rhythm with each other. I met every gyration of his hips with a firm thrust of my abs. He wriggled and shouted as my dick split him in half. Logan is great at riding cock. He's kept his abdominals in great shape, and he can work them like a fucking stripper.

"Does it hurt?"

"A lil. But it's okay," Logan whispered as he stared at me lovingly. Our speed began to slowly increase, thrusting and grinding faster as our moans got louder. I kept my hand glued to his hips as I tried my best to fuck him harder from my back. He gasped and shouted with each thrust. Then he brought his knees up and squatted flat on his feet. This way, he was now able to bob up and down along my dick better. Able to get my entire length deep inside him, I rolled my head back and groaned loudly. His noise simmered slightly as he worked his body with an added fervor.

Without warning, I suddenly choked on a moan and felt my orgasm build quickly. I grabbed his waist a little higher and basically pounded him down into me. "Ahh, Logie, goooooo!" I shouted. I buckled my face and slammed a hot load deep inside him. Logan squealed and gasped. "Tshhh, stop stop stop," I said. My hardon started to ease, as did Logan's rhythm. He plopped back down onto his knees, and just rubbed his butt against me softly. I exhaled once, very loud, let go of him and put my hands behind my head. Logan shot me a devilish little grin. "Good?" he asked.

"What do you think."

"Mmmmhmhmm," he laughed and kissed me once. His ass lifted up and my dick slipped out of it.

"You aren't gonna have one?" I asked in a disappointed tone.

"Nah. I don't think it'll happen today."

"That's silly. Come here." I lifted him off of me and laid him down on his back. I quickly moved down to his waist and popped his cock into my mouth. Sometimes he thinks he can't get off, but he always can. I wrapped my tongue around the tip of his dick and sucked on it firmly. He gripped into the pillow that was now under his head and moaned quietly.

"Keennnnnnnnnnnnny," he cried out. I chuckled to myself and began to piston his cock in and out of my mouth. He firmed up quickly, and a few hot pulses ran through his shaft. I closed my eyes and worked my tongue furiously over his dickhead. His hips fell in motion with my sucking, gently beating up towards my face. Then I felt his delicate fingers touch my head and timidly run through my hair. He made small circles in my scalp. A deeper, hotter throb worked its way through his cock and I braced myself. Suddenly, Logan let out one of his sharp, almost cracking screams, which he only reserves for orgasms. A small warm load oozed out of his dick, and I swallowed it without thinking twice. I spat his penis out and watched it fall flat. He was panting and still moaning very, very quietly.

"That's better, right?" I asked.

"Uh…huh…" he whispered between breaths. I popped back up to his level and lay on my back beside him. He soon came to his senses and made a funny face as I draped the sheets over our shoulders. "You okay?" I asked.

"Yeah. But maybe next time we'll use lube."

"Probably a good idea. I gave you the option."

"I wasn't thinking. Kinda hurt."

"Sorry," I apologized. Under the thin sheet I took his hand and gave it a squeeze.

"It's cool," he said. "Doesn't matter as long as I'm not sticking anything in you, right?" Logan teased, but I didn't think it was very funny. My dream was disturbing, and the underlying message cut deep.


	7. Midday

"Umm…Logie?"

"What's up?" Logan turned onto his side and propped his head up on his hand. His cheeks were bright red in our afterglow.

"About that dream I had…"

"Yeah?" He couldn't help but giggle just a bit. I tried to ignore it, he was likely just nervous.

"It freaked me out."

"How so?"

"It…baaah…can I be totally honest with you?" I also turned onto my side and moved very close to him.

"Well, yeah. If you can't be honest with me, I don't know who you could be." He stretched out his free hand and put it on my arm. His slender fingers stroke my bicep gingerly. Well, I practically had to tell him exactly how I felt. I swallowed hard and braced myself.

"Yesterday," I began. "When my mom said you'd be working more than me after you become a doctor; it really, really freaked me out."

"Awwww, honey," Logan cooed. He suddenly flung his arms around me and hugged tightly. "Whyyyy? Why did it freak you out?"

I returned the hug and sighed. "I like you being my housewife," I told him in blunt honesty. "I like you cooking dinner, and taking care of the condo. I like you being there for me. It's nice to know that after a long day at the office, I'll always come home to your cute little face and our beautiful home."

"Kendall," Logan whispered. "Nothing's ever gonna change that much."

"But, after medical school…"

"Honey, listen," he said sternly. Our hug was released, and he pointed a finger in my face. "I'll never be so busy that I can't keep you well fed, or, or well dressed. Okay? Just take my word for it. I promise!"

"If you're sure."

"Please please please don't worry about it!" He frowned and looked sad all of the sudden. I squeezed his hand and smiled in acknowledgement. "Okay," I said. "I believe you."

As I didn't want to lay in bed all day, I decided to get up right then and there. We both rolled out of bed and instantly into the bathroom. Logan turned on the shower and stepped inside. "Kennnyy!" He beckoned. I was going to brush my teeth first, but, okay! I followed him inside.

The water was refreshing. I let it run down my face a while. Logan stood behind me and put his arms around my waist. His lips touched between my shoulder blades several times. I flipped myself around and pulled him close. He had a boner. "You're sort of a horn dog today, ain'cha?" I asked playfully. Logan didn't say anything, he just looked up at me with those big, innocent eyes. Oh, jeez. Not those puppy dog eyes. "Okay, okay," I said. "Go ahead."

Ideally, I wanted to be in and out of the shower pretty quickly so that we could get on with our day, but when he makes those eyes, I know what it means. He wants to give me head. So I let him. He got down on his knees and took my dick in his hand. He jerked off the base to get it hard again, and soon put it inside his mouth. He worked his jaw like and expert, keeping is eyes fixed on me. It took me a little while since I just had an orgasm not long ago, but I busted my load into his mouth. My knees felt weak.

"Don't fall!" Logan said after he swallowed.

"I won't, I won't. More likely to lose my breath than my balance." I chuckled softly.

Logan took up the washcloth and soap. I turned around and let him wash my back. It felt great. Have you ever let someone wash you? If not, then you gotta try it. It's awesome. After he cleaned me up, I returned the favor. I like to use my hands, though. I lather the soap between my palms and rub my fingers all over his chest. The bubbles get everywhere. As I massaged his pecs, Logan closed his eyes and rocked a little on his heels. I leaned down and gave him a little kiss. Naturally, I also cleaned off his dick, and then turned him around and rubbed his shoulders, back and finally his ass. I spent a lot of time there. I love his ass! It's a special place for me. I even squat down and gave him some of my extra fantastic cleaning with my tongue. Oh yeah, he likes that.

"Kennnyyyy," he groaned. "Nugghhhh…"

"That's all," I said. I kissed his little winking eye and got back to my feet. "Okay, rinse off."

I stepped out of the shower and gave him room to stand under the water. I watched him get all of the soap off of his body. He shut off the water and stuck his hands out for a towel.

"Wait a sec," I said. While I had been watching him clean himself, I totally forgot to dry myself. I wrapped my own towel around my waist and put Logan's into his arms. He tousled his hair, dried off his limbs and then put it around his waist, too.

"So what's on the agenda today?" I asked. I went to the sink and started to brush my teeth. Logan popped up next to me in the mirror and did the same. With the brush in his mouth, he said, "I shought we could buy shoshe shuitsh today?"

"White for me, black for you?" I asked. Logan spat into the sink and nodded. "Sounds good to me," I said. He rinsed with mouthwash and I flossed, (not on the sofa). Logan often takes a long time in the bathroom, but once I was out of there I went back to the bedroom and got dressed. Nothing fancy. It was Saturday, after all. I just pulled into some jeans and popped a t-shirt on. Logan was still in the bathroom, even once I got dressed, so I turned on the coffee pot for him and stepped out on the porch for my morning cigarette. It felt nice out, as usual. I ran my fingers through my damp hair and lit up. Today I didn't feel like taking my usual seat. Instead, I paced a little. Of course, I believed Logan when he told me not to worry about the future. In his heart, he means it. Logan doesn't lie. But deep down, I sensed that he didn't fully understand the situation. I took a long drag on my cigarette, feeling it expand my lungs with all sorts of horribly amazing things. I hummed a song that I hadn't heard in a long time. _Sometimes I wish I had a farm, where the only pollution is your cigarettes_…

Logan came out onto the porch and I stopped singing. He smiled sweetly, clutching his coffee pot in one hand. His hair was flopped down onto his forehead.

"Really?" I said. "You take that long in the bathroom, and your hair still isn't ready?"

"I don't know what to do," he whined. "It just won't obey."

"Dawwww," I snuffed my cigarette out in the ashtray and guided Logan back in by the hand. "I want some more of that cake," I said. He followed smoothly. We brought the box out and placed it on the counter. "You want some, too?" I asked. Logan nodded quickly. He fetched me a knife, and I cut two small slices. He handed me a fork and I took a bite. I hadn't been able to appreciate it the night before, but today I realized how amazing it was. The texture was fluffy and smooth, but also dense and creamy. It had just enough chocolate in it, but it wasn't too sweet. "Ooooo," I cooed. "So good,"

"I know!" Logan added. He licked his fork and sighed contently. "Our wedding cake should be like this."

"Oh wow, yeah. I totally forgot that we needed a cake."

"Duh!" Logan stuck his tongue out at me. "Don't make me lick you!"

"Try me!" I shouted playfully. He made a sour face, then ran up in front of me and licked my cheek. I winced. "Oops," he said. "I guess there was more chocolate on my tongue than I realized!" I handed him a napkin and he dabbed off whatever he left on my face.

"No worries," I said.

"Okay, okay, okay. Are you ready to go to the store?"

"Whaa? Already? But it's so early still." I looked at the clock. Actually, it was later than I thought. Already after 10. "Alright, I guess we can head out."

There was a store in particular that Logan was thinking about going to. This place a few blocks away from his campus, which I guess he passed going to and leaving school. He apparently had his eyes on a pair of suits in the window (why he suggested black and white). So we went there. And we got the suits. The details of this excursion are pretty boring, I think, so I'll skip to lunch.

"I don't feel like parking again, is that okay?" I asked Logan. We were stowing the new suits in the back of my car.

"No problem," Logan said. "We can walk somewhere. How's that?"

"Yeah exactly." I shut the car door and took his hand in mind. We left the parking lot and walked onto a main road. It was a nice day, busy of course since it was the weekend, and the sidewalks were crowded with people. The area offered a lot of choices for lunch. "What do you feel like?" I asked Logan. He shrugged his shoulders and didn't answer.

"Oookay, well," I looked around at a few of the places there. Right next to us was a small sandwich shop, across the street was a Mexican chain, and next to that was something that looked pretty fancy and Italian. I pointed them out and asked Logan if any of them seemed appealing. He shrugged again. His indecisiveness wasn't going to stop. "How about the one right here, then, since it's closest?"

"That's fine, whatever you want," Logan said cheerily. He squeezed my hand and we walked into the sandwich place. The inside was very small and filled with tables. It wasn't as busy as I'd thought for a Saturday afternoon, but there was some noise. "I like the design," my fiancé said cutely. He pointed out how along the top of the walls, they painted vines and had stuck plastic flowers here and there. "It looks great."

"Wanna do that to our place?" I said, halfway teasing.

"Nu-uh," Logan said. He leaned in close to me and whispered, "I might be gay, but I'm not _that _gay." I laughed quietly.

The counter of the restaurant had a big glass display case. The top row had examples of some of their sandwiches, mostly Paninis. "That looks good," I told Logan, pointing to the one in the middle.

"Yeah, this too!" Logan added. He was two rows down, where they set out desserts. Fine slices of different cakes and tarts sat on dainty little plates, waiting to be bought.

"What about the cake at home?"

"Oh, yeah." Logan looked sad.

"Come on, the cake at home was free and is amazing."

"I know, I know. Okay, so I think this sandwhich."

I went to the counter and ordered the food that we wanted. "Split a drink?" I suggested, and Logan okayed it. I tossed some money at the cashier, grabbed my change and took Logan to a table in the back. The restaurant had one of those ticket systems, where you put the number into the tall, loopy thing on the table and once it's ready, they bring it to you. Class! Ha. I let Logan get whatever drink he wanted on tap and waited at the table. He came bouncing back with just Coke, I think.

"Soooooooooooo," he said as he sat. His face was bright red for some reason. "Excited about our purchase?"

"Yep. A little early, but it's going to come faster than expected."

"I wish it'd be faster," Logan said. He was staring, starry eyed, at the engagement ring on his finger. It made him very, very happy. Oh, yeah, it made me happy, too; but there was this childlike amazement on his face whenever he glanced at it. I reached out and put my hand over his. "Glad it makes you happy," I said.

"Of course it does," he said. "A lot of things have made me happy, but nothing more than this. It's just…aah…I can't describe, you know? I'm going to be married. Married to my best friend, my favorite person; the most amazing guy ever."

"Jeez, don't be so flattering," I said shyly. My cheeks warmed. "I'm not that great."

"Yeah, you are."

The server came with our sandwiches just then. She set them down in front of us, of course got them wrong (not her fault), snatched up the number ticket and left us alone. After we switched them, I pressed the back of my hand to the top of the sandwich. "Nice and warm!" I said. Logan copied me and smiled. "Enjoy," he said sweetly.

It didn't take too long to eat. As usual I was done first, but Logan followed closely behind. After his final bite, he looked up at me very seriously and asked, "Do we leave the plates here or take them back to the counter?"

"I think just here," I said. The table across from us was still cluttered. I pointed it out to him and he looked relieved.

"Stop taking things so seriously, babe," I said. I knocked him on the shoulder and got up from my seat. He made an uneasy noise and left the restaurant with me. As soon as we stepped outside, the sun beamed right in my face. I took my sunglasses out of the collar of my shirt and popped them on, also the pack of cigarettes out of my pocket.

"Oh, you know what?" Logan said awkwardly. "Let me just use the bathroom before we go."

"Okay," I said, lighting up. He went back into the restaurant, and I stayed outside with the cigarette in the corner of my mouth. People were all over the sidewalks. Most of them looked happy. Most of them were probably married. For a moment, I considered how the hierarchies of most peoples' lives are. Is there always a head of household, and one housewife? No, I guess not. Before I was born that was true, but these days it's all over the place. I don't like that. I think there should be a financial support and a physical support. I like Logan being my physical support. How many doctors play that role? His promise still remained in my mind, but the doubt lingered. As I drifted off into my worried thoughts, a voice broke me out of it.

"Yo, Kendall!"

I jumped as I heard it. Reality came crashing back. I lifted my sunglasses and looked for the voice's owner. The sidewalk was really crowded!

"Kendaaall!" The voice yelled. Yeah, I recognized it. The wave of people parted, and James emerged. He ran up to me and gave me a hug. He didn't look any different than the last time I had seen him.

"I was thinking about calling you," was the first thing I said. James grinned excitedly. "Yeah? You out by yourself?"

"Nah, nah; Logan's in the bathroom, taking…a really long time."

"Cool. Oh, congrats on the engagement, dude." He patted me on the arm.

"Thanks," I said humbly. He pointed at the cigarette in my hand and said, "Can I bum one?"

"Can't you afford your own?" I jokingly asked. I took one out and gave it to him, with the lighter.

"Ugh, you know how it is," James groaned. "I'm still not totally crazy famous yet. Just taking whatever parts I can get. If I can pay my bills, I'm happy."

"Seriously? You're that strapped for cash?" James responded to my question with a pathetic, pouting face. "Shouldn've gotten a real job, like me."

"Oh, thanks. Yeah. So how's your life working out?"

"Doing great. Getting together with Logan was the best thing I ever did. What about you? How are the guys treatin' you?"

"Eh," James blew a long stream of smoke from his lips and frowned. Then he stepped closer to me and said, quietly, "You know, I would've married you."

I looked at him sadly. "Yeah, I know. James, come on. We've talked about this."

"I-I know, it's just…"

Before he could finish, Logan came bouncing out of the restaurant with a delighted look on his face. "James!" He shouted. "Holy shit! What're the odds?"

"I know, right? How's it hanging?"

"Great! It's just great. Everything is fucking great." Logan gave me a hug and squeezed me tight.

"Awww," James said. His eyes still looked sad. He was jealous, of course. But I think he was more mature than he used to be.

"Well, we're just heading home," I said. "I'll give you a call later. Have you over sometime, huh?"

"Yeah totally!" James exclaimed. We fist pounded. "I'll catch y'all later." Logan and I walked off towards my car, waving at our old friend.

"Nice to see him," Logan said.

"Yeah. He looks the same."

"Uh huh. Why would he change? He'll always be hot."

"Not as hot as you," I said. Logan stared at the ground as we walked. "I said not as hot as you," I reiterated. Logan didn't answer. I stopped. I grabbed his hand and pulled him to me. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Logan said reluctantly. He didn't look me in the eyes, even though I had him face me.

"Bullshit. Logie, what's wrong? I said you're hot. You'll always be hot to me." I put my hand under his chin and tipped his face up to me. I meant it, too. He is hot and will always be hot.

"James has always been better looking than me," Logan said quietly.

"He just thinks he is. Look, he's never had a serious boyfriend."

"I know, but still. You must think he's hot, right?"

"Uhh," I stuttered. His question caught me off guard. "He's a good looking guy, sure; but he's not my Logie."

"Okay," Logan sadly agreed.

"Let's just drop it, okay?" I suggested. Logan nodded. "After all, who's getting married? Not James. Who's beginning the best journey of their entire life? _Not James_." I took Logan's hands, pulled them up to his face and pointed out the ring on his finger. "Huh, huh?"

"You're right," Logan said. He finally gave me a giggle.

"There's my dimples!" I said. "So how about we go home and have a little more of that cake?"


	8. Late

As I drove Logan and myself home, he suddenly got hit with a rough headache. This happens to him sometimes. He swears they're migraines, but I don't know enough about headaches to know for sure. Whatever. At any rate, he gets sensitive to light and smell. It hurts his eyes. So when we got home, I did my best to shade his eyes and lead him inside. We walked through the back entrance of the building and got to the elevators that way. I pressed the "up" button as Logan clung onto me.

"I wish you felt better," I said to him softly.

"Me, too."

The doors opened up and the occupant who was going into the lobby happened to be the neighbor below us, Myrtle. She's a middle-aged woman who keeps to herself, but unfortunately we've had a couple run ins with her (you'll shortly find out why). Logan and I both said hi, but she stared at us grumpily and mumbled, "I heard you this morning. Next time I'm calling the police. There are children in this building, you know."

"Sorry about that," Logan apologized. I didn't say anything when she passed, just stuck my tongue out and made an ugly face at her back. Logan tugged at my arm and quickly pulled me into elevator. The door closed and he said, "Don't start trouble with her."

"I'm not! She is."

"Nooo, no please," Logan pleaded. His forehead was all wrinkled up.

"My bad, baby," I said. I hugged him. "Does my complaining hurt your head more?" I clicked the 9 button and the elevator started to move.

"Yeah."

"Sorry."

At our floor, the doors opened and I carefully walked Logan out into the hallway. He clung to my arm like a child. We got to our condo and I opened the door for him. "Lay down in the bedroom okay?" I told him. He nodded weakly and shuffled off to our room. Immediately, I went to the kitchen and poured a glass of water. Then I got took out two capsules of headache reliever from the hall closet. Logan had all of the lights off in the bedroom, and he was lying down with a pillow over his head.

"Don't do that, babe," I said quietly as I stepped beside the bed.

"Iffrr wrrfffrrr…" he mumbled under the pillow. I lifted it off of his face and he repeated, "I don't wanna."

"You won't be able to breath. Here. Sit up for a min." He did as I said, and I gave him the pills and water. He drank about half of it and popped the medicine into his mouth. "Who's gonna be the doctor again?" He asked teasingly.

"You," I answered, feeling a little sour. He smiled weakly and rested his head _on _the pillow this time. I got up and shut the blinds and came back to the bed. Careful not to rattle him too much, I lay down alongside him. "Gonna be alright?" I asked.

"Yeah, of course," Logan answered. He looked at me with droopy eyes. "I love you," he said quietly.

"I love you, too," was my sincere answer. "With all of my heart. I wish you felt better."

"Yeah but oh well. Could you get me an ice pack please?"

"Sure." I got up and grabbed one of the cold packs from the freezer. I wrapped a kitchen towel around it and returned to my place on the bed. Logan took the pack and pressed it to the top of his head. "Thanks," he whispered.

"How does it feel?"

"Okay I guess."

"Should I give you a massage?"

"If you want to." He rolled over onto his stomach again. I carefully placed my hands on his shoulders and rubbed them softly. He moaned in relief. "Feel good, babe?" I asked.

"Yeah, thanks."

I kept rubbing and occasionally kissed his back. His back muscles felt nice underneath my hands, and I kept up the massage for a while. I spoil him, so what? He deserves it, especially if he keeps his housewife promise.

"Kenny?" Logan asked. His voice sounded very sleepy.

"What's up?"

"I had fun today, even with the headache."

"Me, too. I always have fun with you."

He chuckled a little bit. "Stop massaging for a bit," he said, and once I took my hands away he turned onto his side. "Come here," he playfully commanded. I went on my side and faced him.

"What?" I asked.

"I just want to look at you," he said. The tenderness of his voice made my heart leap. We laid like that for a while, just staring at each other. He looked _sooo _tired. I held his hand and kissed it a few times. "You gotta get some sleep," I told him. "It'll make you feel better."

"Stay here?"

"I'm not tired, hun."

"Awww…but…"

"You'll sleep better if I don't bug you, anyway," I said. Logan stuck his lower lip out at me and squeezed my hand. "Seriously," I said. "You will sleep better if I'm not here."

"But I want my Kenny-Wenny wid meeee."

"Baby-talk again and I'm definitely not staying!" I said playfully. Logan made a huffy breath. "Eyyy, come on," I said.

"Just teasing," Logan said. "You can leave. You're right, anyway. I think you'll just distract me from sleeping."

"That's what I've been tellin' ya!"

"You're right," he said and flashed me a sleepy smile.

"If you feel better later on, how about I fuck you?" I suggested.

"Sounds fair."

"Then it's a deal." I gave him one more kiss on the forehead before I got up and left the bedroom. "Let me know if you need anything, k?"

"Okaaaay…"

I closed to door very deftly and stepped into the living room. There was still some time left in the day, so I sprang onto the sofa and flicked on the TV. Before I had the chance to find a decent show, my phone rang. I sorta freaked out, since it was very loud and it could bug Logan. It was James calling me. I picked up immediately.

"Hey buddy," I said. I got to my feet and went out onto the porch, in order to reduce noise even more.

"What's up?"

"Not a lot. Logan's got a headache."

"Aww, seriously? I was gonna ask you guys to come out with me."

"_I_ don't have a headache. Where you goin'?"

"Zone. You know, that club…"

"No, I don't know."

"Come on, seriously?" James whined.

"Dude. I don't go to clubs anymore."

"No fun!" he bitched. "Live a little. Let's go out! Like when we were kids." I sighed. It wouldn't be fair to decline his invite. After all, it had been so long since he had spent time together, and we had been childhood friends. It would be a shame to let that kind of bond go to waste, all because I'm more of an adult now.

"Alright," I finally gave in. I heard James hold his breath anxiously on the other end. "I'll ask Logan. Okay?"

I kept James on the phone and went into the bedroom. "Looooogie?" I whispered.

"Huhh? What."

"Sorry…James wants to go out."

"I can't," Logan said disappointedly.

"I know, baby. Is it okay if I go? Would you mind?"

"That's cool, have fun. Loovee yoouuuuu!" He sounded weak and unenthusiastic, but still honestly happy.

"Love you too. Go back to sleep." I closed the door and went to the living room. "Yeah that's fine," I told James.

"Haha! Okay. Cool! Do you know where it is? Zone. It's called Zone."

"I'll look it up."

"Not far from where we were earlier. When can you come?"

"Whenever, I guess. When were you gonna go?"

"I was thinking of heading out soon. Gotta get dressed. But it'll take me half an hour I guess."

"Neat. I'll see you then." I hung up my phone. Should I change? I didn't look bad. And _I _wasn't single, so I didn't have to impress anybody anyway. I decided to go the way I was. Of course I didn't bother say bye to Logan, since letting him sleep with the nicest thing I could do. This club, Zone, wasn't too far away. I took my time making sure I looked clean enough, then popped downstairs and got in my car. It had a while since I had seen James, and years since we went clubbing.


	9. Later

Alright, so driving is boring. I'll skip straight to when I got to the place. Zone was in the middle of a long, crowded block downtown. I somehow got lucky and found a space on the street, so I didn't have to go hunting for a parking lot. Sweet! As I was plugging the meter, James came up behind me and said, "Hey! Kendall!"

"Yeah?" I answered without looking around.

"'Sup?"

"Just plugging the meter." I put in the last coin and spun around. James had spiked his hair a little bit. He had on a black, short sleeved button-up and dark pants that were borderline too tight for his age. "Aren't those pants borderline too tight for you age?" I asked.

"Dude," James said in defense. "Don't talk about age. You know how rough my 30th birthday was?"

"I got over it."

"Worst day of my life. I've been legally dead for a year now."

"You'll get over it. So how's this great club?" We started to head towards Zone.

"Casual, very casual. Don't worry. I come here all the time. Decent gay scene, but it's not a gay bar." He waved at the bouncer and we went in no problem. For a club, it was pretty bright inside. There was loud music playing and a lot of people were standing around, a few dancing, but in general the atmos was relatively cool and laid back.

"Over 30 club, huh?" I teased. James made an irate face at me. "No! Plenty of young guys!" He snapped.

"What do you want?" I asked him as I laughed, walking up to the bar.

"Florida!" James shouted. "And make it sparkle."

"Huh?"

"They'll know."

"Ooooookay," I took his word for it and ordered him a "sparkling" Florida, and just a Coors for myself. The bartender rang up my order and gave me the drinks. As I paid, I saw a sign on the countertop that read, "_Throwback Saturday Starts at 7pm!"_

"What is this?" I asked the bartender.

"We're playing older songs after 7 tonight."

"How old?"

"Uhhh," she took a laminated list out from under the counter. "Looks like we're starting off with Lady Gaga…" I interrupted her right there and ran off to James with our drinks. He was sitting at a high table.

"Oooo! Thanks." He took his drink and sipped it gently. After he smacked his lips, he looked up at me and raised one eyebrow. "What's wrong with your face?"

"UH. NOTHING," I said. When they start playing hits from our hay day, James would definitely flip out. I wasn't sure if that would be a disaster or extremely hilarious.

"Whatever you say." He took another sip and glanced around the bar. "I think that guy over there has been eyeing me."

"Cool?"

"Yeah, very. Uh, anyway, Kendall," James said. "That was hilarious, hearing you talking to Logan earlier."

"How so?" I asked, sensing a potential insult.

"'I love you babbbbyyy!'" He mocked. "You've gone soft."

"No I haven't. Or I always have been. I dunno!" I couldn't help but laugh about this conversation. "He is my baby and I do love him. I'm sorry you've never had a nice enough relationship to have names like that for someone."

James frowned and took another sip of his drink. "I guess…" he said very softly. Maybe we were going the wrong direction in our discussion. Trying my best to change the subject, I asked "So what does 'make it sparkle' mean?" I always thought I had bar lingo down fairly well, but that was news to me.

James flipped the happy switch back on instantly. "They kick up the alcohol content," he said. "I like it strong…just like me." He flexed his bicep and made a, "wh-BAM!" sound. I rolled my eyes. Same old James. He caught the attention of the guy he mentioned, over at the other table, and tipped his chin to him. "Yeah, he wants tickets to the gun show alright," he said coolly.

"I thought we were going to catch up, not catch _guys_."

"Can't we do both?"

"I guess. Uh. But not me."

"I know, I know. Monogamy and all that shit." James finished his drink already. He raised his hand to the bartender and made a signal. Shortly thereafter, she came over with another drink. James thanked her but she basically ignored it. I looked down at my half-full beer. "So what's Carlos up to these days? You see him ever?" I asked.

"Yeah, sometimes," James stirred his drink and took a little sip between speaking. "He's still in that reggaeton band, Pepitos or whatever."

"Cool. He like that?"

"Yeah."

"And his love life?"

"Dating some chick who's also in the band."

"Neat." I nodded to myself as took a big swig of my beer. Whatever song was playing had a nice beat to it. "So why can't you settle down?"

"Me? Why would I?" James asked. He went _ppsshh _and rolled his eyes. "James Diamond doesn't settle down…"

"Just earlier you said you would have married me," I said monotonously.

"Well, yeah, uh, that's _you_."

"What do you mean?"

"I'd settle with _you_, but not anybody else."

"Ah…" I made a tiny, bittersweet smile. This made me feel kind of sad. Sure, I knew that James always had a crush on me; we had experimented in the past. We explored our sexuality together but left it at that. I never realized he wanted a life with me. For a moment, I let my mind wander and imagine what things would be like if I was engaged to him instead of Logan. But then it occurred to me that James is a whiny, screaming queen who is obsessed with his image and needs constant attention. My fantasy died quickly.

"What?" James asked, snapping me back into reality.

"Nothin', that's all." I finished my beer and James offered to order me another. Why not? I handle my alcohol alright. He waved down the bartender and she brought me a second drink. "Thanks," I told her.

"No problem, doll," she replied. After she walked away, and asked James, "What's up with that?"

"Up with what?"

"When you thanked her, she ignored it. But she answered mine."

"Oh, yeah. Well, she doesn't know you're gay."

"Huh…interesting."

"Want to go for a smoke?" James asked out of the blue. "You can bring you booze out on the patio in the back."

"Sure." We got up and he led me through the crowd of people to the backdoor. The porch was a screened in joint with a couple tables and some ceiling fans that were turned off. The sound from the inside was drastically reduced once we came out. Only a few folks were standing back there, all just getting a smoke break. I took out my cigarettes and offered one to James, which he of course took. We lit up together and stood in silence. A young woman who was smoking with some guy looked over her shoulder at us. She double took and looked again. The guy came close to her ear and I heard her say, "I think those guys are from that band." I did my best to ignore it, and hopefully James didn't even notice. I don't know how arrogant he is about Big Time Rush anymore, and either way I didn't need him causing a scene.

"Uhh, sooooo," I said loudly. James looked at me and raised his eyebrows. "Have you like, dated anybody at all recently?"

"Not unless you count one night stands."

"That's not good."

"God, Kendall," James barked. He took a long drag on his cigarette and kept talking with smoke pouring out of his nose. "You've _really _become boring. What happened to my best friend?"

"I'm still here!" I said, annoyed. "I've just gotten better with age."

"You seem like a grumpy old man."

"Shut up," I snapped. "I'm not. I still have plenty of fun, only now I don't risk my life as often."

"Nooooo fun!" James bitched. He rolled his eyes and took another drag.

There was a big digital clock over the entrance back into the bar, and when I happened to turn around, I saw that it was 7. I found enough courage in the rest of my beer. Just as predicted, _Paparazzi _began to play over the speakers.

"Oh, wow," James said. He listened to the music inside. He's no fool. "Do you hear that?"

"Uhhh, yeah," I hesitated, waiting any minute for James to start complaining about feeling old. "It uh, takes you back, huh?"

"Fuck yeah it does. Come back inside!" Unexpectedly, there was a grin on his face. I put my cigarette butt out in an ashtray at a nearby table and said, "I dunno man." James grabbed my arm and said, "Where's the cool Kendall, huh? You say you're still fun, but you don'cha prove it, huh? Huh?" I didn't get much of a chance to answer as he pulled be back inside. The speakers were thumping with last decade's music, and a lot of the club-goers sat down for this. James dragged me to the area where and people that were dancing stood. He started dancing, mostly shoulders and hips, singing along to Lady Gaga's words; "I'm your biggest fan, I'll follow you until you love me! Come on, Kendall! Don't be a downer!" He put his back up against my chest and shimmied to the music. I laughed and couldn't resist the chance to be dancing with him again. It had been a long, long time since that happened. I began to wriggle along behind. James kept on singing; "Baby there's no other superstar you know that I'll be-" We faced each other and both sang, "Papa, paparazzi!"

Here we had to stop and just laugh. In my head, I envisioned us a teens again, sneaking alcohol from our parents and getting slammed in the basement. These memories hadn't come up in ages. James leaned against me and put his arm around my shoulders. "Oh man," he said between choking giggles. "I miss partying with you."

"Me, too," I admitted. We kept dancing until the Lady stopped. I was beginning to loosen up, and watching James work his body like he always did put a smile on my face. Well, we're both still in really good shape. I mean come on! We aren't that much older than when we were in the band. It just feels that way. To be perfectly honest, James was getting better looking the older he got.

The next song that played was familiar. Very, very familiar. As soon as it started, James and I both grabbed each other's arms and screamed, "OH MY GOD!" like rabid fan girls. James started to move his body as he sang, "All this talk about being in love, I could never get into the party…"

We danced, sang, and laughed along to one of our best songs ever. I had forgotten the moves that we once danced on stage for _Confetti Falling_, but James conveniently happened to remember. Ahh, good times. My memories kept going back to fond places. Being on the road. Rehearsals. A thought or two even found my first kiss, which was with James back in middle school. If I wasn't so preoccupied with having fun, I likely would have become very sad.

"Ohh, yeah yeah! Don't get any beeetteerr!" We sang. Other people were dancing but not to the level of excitement that we had. We hopped around the dance floor like morons until the song stopped. Then we sat down and caught our breath.

"Man," I said. "Never thought they'd play that."

"I miss being with you and the other guys," James said, oddly poignant. "I really miss those days. I hate time going by."

"We can still hang out. Let's make it happen. Just 'cause our lives are moving doesn't mean we need to stop being friends! We can come here again next week. And see if Carlos can, too. And Logan will probably…ahh, I really should get home to him."

"Already?"

"He doesn't feel well, James."

"Okay, okay. Forget I asked. I'm gonna try to pork this guy over…" he squint around for the dude he had been looking at earlier, but to no avail. "Damn it. Well, there will be more. There will _always _be more for James Diamond."

"Oh, please."

"Shut up, Kendall. At least I don't have eyebrows like that."

"Hush!" I snapped. "Now, I gotta run. Let's stay in touch. Promise?"

"Promise!" We hugged goodbye and I was on my way. As I drove home, the bittersweet memories flooded my head, since there was no ecstatic noise or movements to drown them out. I thought about my life in the band. As I've said before, I don't miss the famous life; I miss the closeness of my friends. Life has a way of separating all of the things you love without giving you time to realize it. Suddenly, you're in a different place with a different person, and the ones that came before mean nothing. That is of course until you remember them. But the minute you're alone with your old buds, suddenly time rolls back and it's like you're young and idiotic again. James, unfortunately, seems to have stayed young and idiotic. I wondered when he would settle down. _If _he would settle down. Briefly, it occurred to me that he might never. I just hoped that he wouldn't do anything too stupid, but there was nothing I could do. I didn't especially want to go home so early, and I'm sure James would be out 'til after midnight, but you know; grown up Kendall has grown up things to do!

I came home very quietly and tried my best not to wake Logan up. The condo was quiet. I crept into the bathroom and washed up as stealthily as humanly possible. Then I took off all of my clothes and slipped through the bedroom door. Logan was snoring softly. Sure, being in the party scene was fun again; and it really was; but nothing beats coming home to my Logie. I crawled under the covers carefully, but I must've shaken the bed too much. Logan grunted and rolled over to face me. He yawned and sniffed a few times. "Been drinking…" he said quietly.

"I'm allowed to."

"You have fun?"

"I really did. We're gonna go again next week, and you come, too. We'll get Carlos also."

"Cooool," Logan said with another yawn. I put my arms around him and gave him a soft kiss on the forehead. "How's your head, baby?" I asked.

"Better but still bad," he answered very cutely. "Thanks for asking." He hugged me and soon fell back asleep. I closed my eyes and thanked God for having a great night. I thanked him for giving me such amazing memories to look back at. I thanked him for having wonderful friends. Most of all, I thanked him for the love of my life who snored against my chest.


	10. Memory

My evening with James had caused me to gather the crop of a bountiful memory harvest. I went back to that first kiss. James and I were about to finish up middle school, and we were in that awkward, "still young enough to play games, but starting to hit puberty" phase. One lazy afternoon, he was over at my place doing homework with me. Of course, he was never any good at it, but he also didn't really try. Not to say that I was some genius (that was Logan's job) but you know; I always gave everything my best shot. We were fooling around about something and we began to play wrestle. Before we knew it, I had knocked him to the ground and landed on top of him. There was only enough distance between our faces that our breath could escape. It was mildly awkward, but little tension was in the air. Out of nowhere, James lunged up at me and pressed his lips to mine. Then we stared at each other. I wondered, "What just happened and was it okay?" I can only assume his thought process was the same. Somehow, we managed to act like it was nothing and we went about the rest of our day no problem.

It wasn't until high school rolled around that anything like that popped up again. Carlos was having active crushes on girls, but James and I didn't seem to catch on. As I wondered if anything was wrong with me, I asked my mom. She reluctantly said I wasn't ready yet, and that I should focus on school and sports instead, anyway. "Girls will just complicate things. Don't get involved."

Her advice wasn't satiable enough for me. See, Logan and James weren't paying attention to girls, either. I never second guessed Logan, 'cause he really was so wound up with school and sports that he couldn't possibly have time for a crush. James, on the other hand, had no excuse, and that troubled me. How could a guy who spent all of his time making himself good looking and talking about how great he was not have a single crush? Girls were of _course _wild about him. They were asking him out constantly! He didn't even blink. If by any chance you saw him ignore of them and confronted him on it, he'd basically act like he didn't notice.

Confounded by my lack of interest in the opposite sex, I turned to the expert; Carlos. Though he hadn't dated a girl yet, or even kissed one for that matter, he did have the most crushes, and the highest experience level in girl interactions. When I asked him why I might not be interested in girls, he crawled under his bed and brandished a beat up shoebox. "Here, check this out!" He said. Inside, there was a hoard of nudie magazines. "If the girls at school aren't doing it for you, these _will_." He tossed me one called _Ravage_. The cover had a women on her knees with her back to the camera man, peering over her shoulder and spreading her cheeks wide open. There was a label that read, "TOO HOT!" over her goodies.

"Open it up," Carlos said. He was giddy. I flipped through the pages and saw all sorts of naked bodies. It was the first time I had ever seen a vagina, and to be perfectly honest, I did nothing for me. "To me perfectly honest," I said, closing the magazine as I handed it back to its owner. "It does nothing for me."

"Well then you're gay," Carlos said quite bluntly. There were no cruel intentions, as that isn't in his nature, but it was very as-a-matter-of-fact.

"I dunno," I slightly protested. "Maybe I'm not ready yet?"

"Do you wake up with a hard-on?"

"What's that?"

Carlos rolled his eyes. "Is your dick hard when you wake up?"

"Oh, yeah, sometimes."

"Do you beat off a lot?"

"I gotta answer this question?" I asked nervously. I had been jacking off for a while now, a couple times a day even.

"Nah, but I'm guessing you do."

"But I can't be gay! Run another test!" There was a stigma in my head about this. I felt that if I was gay, everyone at school would find out, and I would suddenly become a nerd. Carlos threw another magazine at me. "Check this out," he said. "If you're more into the dudes, then you're gay."

The magazine had explicit pictures of sex. I felt a little nervous looking at it, but did anyway. The first page showed a woman giving a man a blowjob. I instantly looked at the thick, hard base of the guy's dick. He wasn't naked, but his shirt was up just enough to expose his washboard abs. I got red in the face. "Oh, uh," I said, stumbling over my own words. "Y-yeah, look at her boobs. She's hot."

"Told ya you weren't gay! Just takes the right stuff, huh? Huh?" Carlos knocked me on the shoulder and snatched the magazine out of my hands. "No keepsies!"

"How does it, er, feel, to have a crush on a girl?" I asked. Carlos pondered the idea for a moment. "Uhhh," he said. "I guess, you really want to fuck her, but at the same time, her face makes you happy and she seems like a fun person to be with. Does that make sense?"

It did. It made perfect sense. Someone you want to stick your dick in, but also want to be emotionally close with. I did not have these feelings for any girl we knew. I had them for James. In all honesty, I had them for James and Logan.

I kept those thoughts to myself. The rest of our lives in Minnesota played out with no mention of my sexuality. James kept on being arrogant, lone wolf James, and Logan continued to be the loveless nerd. On numerous occasions, I tried to create feelings of attraction with girls in my head, but I couldn't do that anymore than I could with a dog.

Things didn't heat up until we made our transition to LA. Once all of the band stuff was settled, it _again _occurred to me that James wasn't into any of the ladies there. Carlos was, as usual, going girl crazy, but James and I sat on the sidelines. Logan was still out of the loop, but I figured it was because he was studying and practicing so much he had no time for it. Being the most intelligent of us, he likely avoided relationships as to not get in the way of show business.

I never intended to confront James about the lack of females in my life, but one day, he did it to me. "So when are you gonna get a girlfriend?" He asked out of the blue. Logan and Carlos were out, and we were just hanging on the couch catching up on TV. A shiver ran down my spine, and I really did not want to answer his question honestly. "In time…?" I lied.

"Oh, okay," was his halfhearted answer. "You do, erm, like girls, right?"

"Huh?" I said. My eyes widened and I tried my best to conceal the overwhelming shock I was feeling. Did James know? He couldn't have. What to say? "Y-y-yeaaaah. Don't you?"

James looked over at me very casually and said, "Nah. I like dudes."

My heart instantly fluttered. My crush was also gay? My best friend was gay? It amazed me that he said it so nonchalantly. Did it not bother him, or was he just that comfortable and close with me? Acting rash and quickly, I was unable to form any words, but instead I grabbed him by the shoulders and planted a big, wet, long awaited kiss, smack in the middle of his soft lips. He didn't resist. Instead, his strong arms flung around my shoulders and his tongue fought its way inside my mouth.

After that, we kept our secret, well, secret; but we never dated. He gave me my first blowjob, and I gave him his first handjob. I had a hunch that he had been with other guys before me, but I didn't much care. However, once the band broke up, our sexual experiment ended. We agreed that it would be best. James Diamond doesn't settle, anyway. In the meantime, I had also started to really fall for Logan. Despite the oral play I had with James, being around Logan really made my heart pound fast. He was so smart, sweet, dedicated, playful and fun. I didn't just want to fuck his brains out; I also wanted to love him. I used to stand at the top of the slide and peer over the edge as he did homework. The way he moved made me smile. Whenever we were working together, my heart would jump out of my chest every time he touched me (which was often).

When the band broke up, the first thing Logan said to me was, "I still want to hang out with you."

"Yeah, me, too," I answered. We started going for smoothies. Both of us were looking for work. Somehow, Carlos managed to nab a job right away, which included a place to stay. Logan was living with him for the time being, and I stayed with my mom. James went off on his own and didn't speak to us for about a year. "Finding himself" I think they call it.

One day over strawberry smoothies, Logan popped the question out of the blue. "Do you like me?" He asked.

"Of course. You're my best bud."

"No, like…do you _like _me?" His face got bright red and he looked down at his smoothie. I copied his behavior. "Do you?" I asked. That was a pretty sick way of getting out of answering, but Logan replied, "Y-yeah."

I said nothing, slid my hand across the table and took his into mine. He was shaking. Nervous as shit. I gave his fingers a little squeeze and finally whispered, "I've been crazy for you a long time."

And that's how we came to be. Ten years later, living together and engaged to be married in six months. Memory lane is a place that I try to avoid, but once I spent some time strolling down it again, I saw no reason to hide. There was nothing embarrassing about my past. We had all had fun. No regrets. The best part is that the road continues! I have a multitude of amazing memories to make with Logan. Just like the morning after my night out; he woke up with his headache completely gone. The sun was streaming through the windows and hit me in the face. I blinked through the heat. Logan grumbled beside me and threw an arm around my waist.

"You up?" I whispered.

"Yeah-huh."

"How's your head, babe?"

"All better."

I flipped around and looked at him. His eyes were closed but his face was all smiles. I kissed him quickly and touched his chest. "Glad to hear," I said.

"Do you remember the first time we had sex?" Logan asked out of the blue. I chuckled to myself and said, "How could I forget?"

"I had a dream about it last night. It was nice. I forgot about it."

"Awww. I couldn't forget. I bet my mom's bed don't forget, either!"

I could never, ever forget. About a month after we admitted we liked each other, Logan was hanging out with me at my mom's new place (the apartment after the Palmwoods but before her house). We had yet to tell Carlos, so when we wanted time to be a couple, we'd be at my mom's. But at this point, our relationship was still relatively shy. We would watch TV, cuddle and kiss chastely but that was practically it. We were enjoying being best friends and boyfriends. It was totally cool to wait for the relationship to blossom. And on that one fateful day, it did. I had Logan's head on my lap as we watched a bad movie together. At one point, he rolled onto his back and looked up at me. "Hey," I said, glancing down.

"Hi," Logan answered sweetly. He reached up and touched my face. "Can I tell you something?"

"Sure," I said.

"I'm horny…" he gave me this totally adorable, pathetic face and pointed at his crotch. "I don't know…"

"It's okay," I told him. I motioned for him to sit up, he did, and I pulled him to my chest. We kissed. We kissed hotly. He put his hands on my face and I held him very close to me. The fire that we had been keeping calm between us suddenly erupted. I slid my hands up under his shirt and groped his back. He moaned gently against my mouth. "Not here," Logan whispered.

"Right." We put our foreplay on pause and stood up. "But where?" The place was real small, and I didn't actually have a room. We just rigged up a space in the living room, where I slept on the sofa. My mother thought Katie having her own room was the bigger priority.

"Not Katie's room," Logan said.

"No, no, you're right."

"Your mom…" We looked at each other grimaced, but we knew that it was the best bet.

"She won't be home yet," I said. We exchanged nervous giggles. I took Logan's hand and gently guided him off to my mom's bedroom. Logan looked a little worried, but then again, he always did. I opened up the door to the room and flipped on the light. It was so tidy and clean. I figured it would be best to leave the door open, so we could hear better just in case someone came in earlier than expected. Then I turned around and grabbed Logan by the shoulders and continued our kiss. He stepped backward and hit the bed. Our tongues battled it out within our mouths as Logan made the background music with singsongy moans. We shuffled around so that he laid his back onto the bed, and I climbed on top of him.

"Do you know how to do this?" Logan asked nervously.

"Kind of." I pulled off my pants and boxers and took a small jar of Vaseline out of a pocket. Logan eyed it mysteriously. "You carry that all the time?" he asked.

"Just recently. In case."

"O-okay. Don't…hurt me."

"I won't." I exhaled loudly and tried to remember all of the pornos I had watched. I lifted his legs onto my shoulders and slowly slid his pants and boxer briefs down. This was the first time I ever saw his dick. Yes, I had touched it from the outside of his jeans, but that was all. I wrapped my hand around the hard base of his cock. It throbbed and pulsated, and a small helpless moan slipped out from between his lips.

"Be careful," Logan whined. "Have you done this before?"

"Some, but not sex. Just relax."

I spread his legs a little and leaned over. He must have shaved just a few days ago, because his pubic area was only a bit stubbly. I kissed the side of his shaft and inhaled his delicate aromas.

"Have _you _done this before?" I asked quietly. Logan shook his head. "It'll be okay," I told him.

He was breathing heavily and was obviously nervous. I stuck out my tongue and ran up along the side of his cock a few times. Precum already dribbled out of the head. Logan's breathing turned into hoarse moans. The sheets crinkled as his fingers scratched into them. Now I ran my tongue to the very tip top of his dickhead and made small circles, then I slipped my mouth over the entire thing. He arched his back and let out a cry, which almost sounded like pain. "Kendaaaall," he shouted. I began to pump my mouth along his shaft, and before I knew it, he shot his load. It wasn't much, and I swallowed it right away. I let his dick fall limp inside my mouth before I spit it out. He stared up at the ceiling and panted heavily.

"You okay?" I asked.

"Oh my God," he said quietly. "Oh, my God…"

"That was hot. Do you want to do more?"

"Yeah."

I sat back up onto my knees and propped his legs onto my shoulders once more. He looked up at me with puppy dogs eyes and silently mouthed, "don't hurt me," again. I reassured him once more that I wasn't going to. I took the Vaseline into my hands, popped off the lid, and dabbed a little on my pinky finger. Logan watched me carefully as I brought my hand down past his cock and to his ass. I spread his cheeks and gently pressed my greased up finger to his asshole. He contracted at first and inhaled sharply.

"Ever put anything in there?" I asked.

"J-just a finger sometimes," he said nervously.

"Did you like it?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. Then it'll all be good." I swallowed, trying to feel confident, and made tiny circles along the ring of muscle with my finger. Logan convulsed and began to pant again. "Can I go in?" I asked.

"Y-yeah."

Slowly, I pressed my little finger inside his hole. He made a few "oohs" as it went deeper. The muscles tightened around me, and soon he grew hungrier. "Can you put another in?" he asked. I nodded, rubbed more Vaseline onto my next finger and then popped it inside, too. He began to get hard once more.

"Do you like it?" I asked, starting to build a rhythm to my fingering. His toes curled and his eyes closed as he nodded in pleasure. My face felt hot. "Ready for me?"

"I think so. Just be gentle, okay?"

"Of course." I slid my fingers out of him and grabbed my own cock. More Vaseline went on my hand, and I jerked myself off for a moment. Logan watched me as I did this. Once my cock was slick enough, I scooted up to his ass and pressed the head against his asshole.

"You're really big," Logan said cutely. "Will it hurt?"

"Just let me know if it does and I'll stop. I promise." I gently eased the very tip of my cock against his asshole and spread the muscle open. His mouth opened wide but not noise came out. "Relax your butt," I said. He did his best to open up. I pushed my cock inside. He cried out in pleasure and pain, but mostly pleasure. I went in a little further and his back arched. It felt amazing in there. Fucking Logan was something I had wanted to do for years at that point, and finally doing it was quite liberating. His adorable, sweet ass welcomed my fat cock so amazingly that I never wanted to leave. Soon, I was deep enough that I could start pounding him. I picked up a slow pace and went in and out. Logan was moaning and groaning, but when I went a little deeper, he voice changed and he said, "Oowww owww ow! Stoppp." I ceased my thrusting immediately.

"What's wrong, babe? You okay?"

"C-can you pull out? Slowly."

"Sure." I did as he asked and gently removed my cock from inside him. He looked at me and frowned. "Sorry. It just kinda hurt."

"It's okay. It'll get better."

"Come here," he said, motioning to himself. I moved his knees away and straddled his waist. He reached up and wrapped his arms around my shoulders and pulled me close. We kissed.

"Can I tell you something?" he asked sweetly.

"What."

"I love you."

"I…I love you, too."


	11. Regret

I let the week slip by quickly. We had discussed vague plans about Saturday, but neither James nor Logan and I had heard from Carlos. Logan was smart enough, of course, to pop online and look up what his band was engaged in lately. Turns out they were on tour and he wasn't even in California.

"Impressive," Logan spoke against the screen of his computer. "Looks like he's doing alright with this, huh?"

I leaned over his shoulder and peered at the tour dates he had up. There was a significant amount. "That's cool," I said. "I'm glad he's doing something he loves, and making a life out of it, you know?"

"Haven't we all?" Logan said with a smile.

"Yeah…"

James called me early on Saturday, which seemed to be pushing things a little bit late to make arrangements, but it's typical James behavior. Logan was in the shower and I was just watching TV.

"I gotta drive to get anywhere today," James said. "Maybe we can just hang out at your place."

"Okay that's cool, but you bring beer."

"HEY! You know I'm strapped for cash!" James bitched over the other end of my cell.

"You can afford to drop a little for your best buds, right?"

"Fine, fine."

I laughed shortly and said, "We'll both chip in."

"Thanks."

After I got off the phone, I jumped up from the sofa and burst into the bathroom. Logan had just shut off the water and was stepping out of the tub. Being the wonderful person I am, I handed him his towel.

"Thanks," he said. First he toweled off his hair and then he pat down his body and wrapped it around his waist.

"Just talked to James," I said.

"Oh?"

"Yeah, he wants to come over tonight. I said that'd be fine."

"Cool, cool." Logan stepped in front of the mirror and began to comb out his hair. He looked very cute. He had this look of seriousness that overtook his expression as he hashed out every detail of his hair, as if fine tuning a sensitive machine. "When's he coming?"

"Errr, he didn't say. But, late, I assume."

"Okay. What'cha wanna do until then?"

"Well," I chuckled to myself. "I have some ideas, but they couldn't last all day."

"Like what?" Logan turned around with this totally innocent look on his face. I thought I was being obvious, but then again, he is occasionally quite dense. I hoisted his butt up onto the countertop with the sink. He put his arms around my waist and held onto my back softly.

"You're too cute," I said. He rolled his eyes, which looked ever cuter, and acted like I didn't mean what I said. Either that, or he was so sick of hearing he that he resisted to believe it. "I mean it."

"O-okay," he said quietly. "Anyways."

"Yeah, _anyways_," I repeated. Tilting my head, I moved in for a kiss. We locked lips and held each other like that for a decent length of time. Feeling his warm mouth against mine is one of the best experiences in my life (and you can bet that I have A LOT of those to compete with). I pulled him a bit closer so that he could get his legs around my hips. That towel around him had to go. In a single, sweeping motion, I yanked it off him and brought his naked body close to mine. I unzipped my fly and whipped my dick out. Logan looked up at me with a sweet face.

"Want me to fuck you?" I asked.

"Yeah," Logan whispered.

"Want me to fuck you right now?"

"Uh huh."

I wrapped my fist around his firm penis and jerked him off gently. He bit down on his lower lip and stared up at me. I spread his butt cheeks and pressed the head of my cock in between them. There's a bottle of lube in one of the drawers on the sink, since we get it on in the bathroom so often. I took it out and dribbled some onto my penis. Logan groaned as he watched me prep our genitals, hungry and full of lust. I grinned hotly and slid myself inside. He put his hands up onto my shoulders and dug his fingernails into my skin. I slowly pushed my throbbing hot cock inside his asshole, causing him to wiggle all over.

"Feel good?" I whispered seductively.

"Mmmm, Kenny. Fuck me."

I put both of my palms against the mirror behind us to gain better momentum. As my penis went further inside Logan's ass, I ground my hips harder and harder against him. He moaned and sighed as I pounded him out. It was rough and intense, yet erotic and sensual. Fucking Logan is absolutely fantastic. I rocked my head back, closed my eyes, and began to pick up the pace. Moans resonated deep in Logan's throat, growing louder as I fucked him harder. Suddenly, my cock throbbed quite hard and I pumped my sticky load deep within him.

"Ohhhh God," I cried. "Mmmm yeah."

"Kenny...Kenny..." Logan panted. "So good."

"Oh, baby, you have no idea." I slipped my cock out of his ass, followed by a big gush of cream, and put it back into my pants.

After our romp in the bathroom, we decided to go for an early movie. Nothing special there. On our way home, we swung by a dispensary and picked up a case of beer. I was half-expecting James to show up empty handed.

There was a little bit of follow-up work I had to complete for my job, and Logan took some time to review for his test next week. Before I knew it, the clock struck six (do people still talk about clocks striking?) and not long after, James showed up. He knocked on the door delicately. I heard it even though I was still in the second bedroom (I turned it into a sort of work room). Logan was closest so he answered.

"Jaaames!" Logan yelled. "I thought you'd be later than this!"

"Nah. The earlier you start, the longer you can go. Where's your dude?"

"Still doing some stuff in his office. Come over here. Oh, and we found out that Carlos is on tour, so we won't be able to see him for a while."

"Shit."

There was no way I'd get anything else done with those two chirping about the place. I put everything on hold and went into the living room. The boys were sitting on the sofa. The beer James evidently brought was sitting on the coffee table. Logan turned around and reached his arms out to me. "Kennnyyyy," he whined.

"What?"

"Come heeeeere." I did as requested and plopped down between my guy and my guest.

"How's work stuff, Mr. Work Guy?" James asked.

"_What?_" I shot him a confused.

"You were doing work stuff right?"

"Yes."

"How was it?"

"Stuff is stuff," I said quite simply. My shoulders shrugged apathetically and both James and Logan burst into laughter. "What?!" I shouted.

"You're funny," Logan said. He hooked an arm around my shoulders and leaned up against me. James sighed.

"What?" Logan and both asked him. There were too many "whats" already.

"Nothing," James answered reluctantly.

"Just let love find you, James," Logan said. "It will."

"Yeah I guess."

"Logan's right," I said. "Being bitter doesn't help. Just get along with your life and soon what you want will come and well, find you!"

James cleared his throat and grabbed a beer out of the case on the table. "Want?" he offered to us.

"Sure," I said. Logan nodded. James grabbed three and tossed one to each of us. We cracked them open all at the same time and took a sip. James must've drunk half the damn can in one take. He pulled it away from his face without a single drop. Logan on the other hand got beer on his upper lip. He _always _does that, I don't know why. He can't drink from a can without making a mess.

Two beers and a bunch of useless chatter later, James brought a wild card into play. "Nooo way," I said as I put my hands up in front of myself. "I cut that crap out years ago."

"Live a little!" James taunted. He held a joint near my face.

"Work, James. Work."

"Whatever." He rolled his eyes at my very legitimate excuse and lit up anyway. He took a big hit and passed it to Logan, who reluctantly held it in his hand. "Well?" James asked. "Don't let it burn like that."

"Uhhh," Logan looked at me, as if asking my permission. I sighed angrily and shook my head. "Do what you want," I said. Logan scrunched up his forehead, but inhaled anyway. His face turned bright red and he passed the joint back to James. Logan started giggling a whole lot. James took another hit and slumped back against the sofa more. He drank from his third beer. I cracked open another and downed it pretty fast. The more I drink, the faster I put them away. Logan started to fall all over me. He did his best to prop his chin up on my shoulder, but his body felt like and was flopping around a lot.

"Watch your uh, shit, Logie," I said.

"What shit?" He asked.

"You know," I tried to explain. "Your…shit." Logan blushed hard and laughed. He pointed at me and kept giggling. I finished my beer and took up another.

"_You _watch _your _shit!" Logan said. James joined in, looking up at the ceiling, and said, "SHIT! HA!"

I let out a long, aggravated breath. This was _not _the way I had foreseen the evening. Trying best to keep things somewhat intelligent, I turned on the TV (because TV is very intelligent). Some stupid movie was on. Logan and James both sat up and tried their damnedest to pay attention. I sat back and finished another beer. Logan had his elbows on his knees, leaning toward the TV and squinting very hard. It looked kinda cute. He was out of his mind and trying to stay focused.

"Heheh lookit that guy," Logan said. He pointed to the screen, which showed some dude running across a football field with a giant wheel of cheese. James and Logan both laughed hysterically. I sat against the sofa with a straight face. I looked down into my beer and tried to remember how many I had. Was this six, or something? I couldn't focus over the sound of their high laughs. My head also wasn't really operating up to speed. Then it occurred to me; had I become boring? Once upon a time, I would have been smoking with them. We would all be laughing at the cheese wheel guy. But now, it seemed unentertaining. I like to believe that I just grew up faster than them, but Logan was a mature guy, too. So what happened to me? I can still be fun.

I emptied that beer and grabbed yet another. Logan saw me do this and said, "You're drinking a lot, Kenny."

"Yeah and you're _laughing _a lot."

"Laughing is good for you!" James exclaimed. He blinked very slowly, as if he had temporarily forgotten how. I made a huffy breath at all of them and stood up. My feet almost slipped out from under me. "Gotta take a piss," I said. They practically ignored me, now that the cheese wheel guy had fallen into a fountain and was eating the cheese in order to save it. I shrugged and dragged myself to the bathroom. Woah, I did drink a lot. Everything was wonky. I pushed open the bathroom door and flicked on the light. It hurt my eyes for a few seconds. I managed to get my dick out without a problem, pee and flush the toilet, but then I stepped back and felt incredibly dizzy. I tried to look at myself in the mirror, but before I had the chance to, I fell down against the floor and went to sleep. Or something.

…

_"Yeah…of course I do_."

…

_"He's a great guy_."

…

In the middle of my delirium, I heard two voices. My eyes were still shut, but I listened to the echoing words of James and Logan chatting in the living room.

"I've always loved him," one of them said. I tried to focus on the sound. It was James talking. "I always will."

"I didn't know that," must have been Logan answering. He was still giggly. "How long was it like that?"

"Way before you got together with him."

"Ohhh…"

"It's okay. He loves you, not me. I guess you guys are meant to be or something."

"You can still find love. Statistically speaking, there are over…"

"Yeah I know," James interrupted. "But I only ever wanted Kendall."

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"Can I be honest with you?"

"Yeah of course. I'm your best friend. Tell me anything."

"Well," James began. His voice was low and serious. "Kendall was my first crush, and I think maybe I was his. I fell in love with him in middle school. I always wanted to be with him. After the band broke up, we decided it was best if we didn't pursue it. I'd follow anything he said, so I agreed. I never had any idea that he'd end up with _you_. Not your fault."

"I get it," Logan said. "You're jealous of us?"

"J-just a little. I can't help it."

"It's okay, James."

"Sorry. I just always wanted him. I worked so hard, but in the end, I was just a little game and a blowjob."

"Oh…"

"When I was fifteen, I made a promise to myself. A promise that if I couldn't get Kendall, then I wouldn't get _anyone_."

"That's crazy."

"Maybe. But that's why I'll always be alone."

"James, that's crazy. You've been obsessed with Kendall and you'll let it ruin your life? You'll never be happy. You're willing to give up all joy in life just because of your first crush?"

They were silent for a while. Logan was right, that was crazy. It also made me feel a little uncomfortable. I had no idea that James was so into me. I felt sad, too. Of course it wasn't my fault, but if he had told me sooner that he really liked me like that, we could have had something. I was always under the impression that he only wanted "a little game and a blowjob." I had no idea! He really was an idiot.

"You have to find happiness on your own," Logan said finally. "Let go of Kendall. He's mine, anyway."

"I know, I know. Sorry. It's just. Blah. I'm stupid, I know."

"Yeah, you kind of are."

"Where is he, by the way?" Logan asked. I heard them get up from the sofa. Footsteps came closer to the bathroom. The door squealed open.

"Kenny!" Logan shouted. He squat down beside me and put his hands on my chest. "Help me pick him up." James went around to my other side, and the two of them got me to my feet. I opened my eyes and mumbled, "I did drink too much."

"Kenny, come lay down." They dragged me out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. I closed my eyes and fell asleep again.


	12. New

A hazy dream. Winter in Minnesota. I was playing hockey at the old rink we used to frequent. The ice sparkled as I swept across it. I looked up at the net. Something about it seemed almost papery. Hushed voices surrounded, but the bleachers were empty. As I went to make a goal, I felt a heavy essence looming behind me. Suddenly I was struck on the back of the head and I went crashing to the ground. The ice was soft and comforting, but my head was splitting and I began crying. The sobs sounded oddly infantile. I clutched my head between my hands and continued to bleat.

I sprung awake suddenly. My heart was pounding. My head was mimicking the pain from the dream. In an attempt to speak, I coughed. Was I actually crying? My body froze up and I listened. I was not making any sound, but there _was _a baby crying. The very same wails from my dream. It was a young baby.

Burdened by my hangover, I basically fell out of bed and dragged myself out of the room. I forgot to check what time it was, but the day had definitely started without me. As I moved about, I realized that the baby noises were coming from the condo. For a moment I thought I was hallucinating, or perhaps still dreaming. Then I heard Logan's voice, "He's SO sweet!"

Perplexed and nearly delirious, I wobbled down the hallway and into the living room. There, I saw Logan with a tiny baby in his arms, and my goddamned sister. "Hey bro. Glad you're up. Feel like shit?"

I flipped Katie off. Now it all made sense. She must've popped into town overnight unexpectedly. We try to keep in touch via email, but lately she was busy having this bastard child. I don't know _how _that kind of lifestyle came to be with her, but I guess she made some pretty poor choices after she went home.

"That's not very nice, even if you _are _hung over," Logan said. He stared down at Katie's baby with a sparkle in his eyes. "Nooo, it's not very nice, is it? Huh? Huuhh?" He cooed at the baby.

"What is she doing here?" I asked Logan.

"I can't just come by?" Katie snapped. "I come aallll the way over here from Minnesota, and the first thing you do is give me crap? Well I guess some things never change."

"Oh ha ha." I made my way over to the sofa and gave Katie a hug. "It's good to see you, baby sister."

"You stink like a hobo," she said and hugged back apathetically. I rolled my eyes and she kept talking. "I'm drained and I hate this kid."

Logan looked at her like she said she was going to kill us all. "I can't believe you'd say that," he said. Katie shrugged. I slithered to the kitchen and poured myself a big glass of water, which I drank right away. I took some aspirin, too. My head still hurt but it was getting progressively better. I went back to the sofa and plopped down between the two of them. Katie's baby was looking at me and trying to smile. I guess it was three months old or so. Somehow, that fucking baby had my nose genetics. What are the odds? Apparently those things can be passed through siblings.

"He's adorable and amazing," Logan said. "You can leave him in LA whenever you want!"

"Woah, wait a minute," I said. "Don't just say shit like that, Logan."

"But I mean it."

"Thanks, guys," Katie said. She jabbed me in the ribs and asked, "Do you have a cigarette?"

"Yeah, but only outside." I got up and led her to the balcony. We left Logan inside with the kid and lit up once the glass door was shut. Smoking with my little sister felt weird. She blew out a long trail as if she were an expert.

"So what's with this baby?" I asked.

"It happened."

"Well yeah, I see that. Where's the fucking dad?"

"I've _told _you. I don't know."

"You've really been sleeping around that much?"

"NO!" She yelled. I could envision steam billowing out of her ears. "I know _who _he is, I just don't know _where_. He up and left once I told him I was preggo."

"Terrible," I commented. "How are you raising it? Do you need money? I can always help you out."

"_He _is doing fine," Katie said. "I work part time and I living with four of my girlfriends. We all take turns, and I guess it works okay."

"What's his name?"

"Marco." Katie said it with an air of contempt. She walked to the glass and stared inside and Logan and Marco. A couple puffs of smoke came from her face.

"What's up?" I asked. She seemed to be studying the two boys intently.

"I really dislike him," she said.

"Logan or Marco?"

"Marco."

"No shit. You never seemed to be the baby-crazy type."

"I really don't like him." Katie turned around and looked at me wide-eyed. "Do you want him?"

"What?"

"Do you want to adopt him?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I'm not ready for that kind of thing," I told her. I felt a little nervous. Part of me felt that Katie came over here in an attempt to dump the baby on us. "I'm working fulltime, Logan's in school; we have a lot going on."

"I wish you'd help me out."

"Katie, I'll give you money if you want. I'll give you _a lot _of money. I'm doing well." I tried to smile at her as sincerely as possible, but it didn't seem to hit home with her. She flicked the cigarette butt onto the ground (much to my disappointment) and went back inside without saying anything. I cleaned up after her and followed.

Logan was singing to Marco, who was evidently falling asleep in his arms. I sat down next to him and quietly asked, "So where'd James go last night?"

"He passed out on the couch," Logan explained. "Then Katie showed up and we eventually booted him out."

I looked at the clock on the cable box and saw that it was past noon already. That was hard to believe.

"I didn't know James was gay," Katie said. She seemed a little disappointed.

"He's been gay," I told her. "Oohh, he's been gay."

"I guess it was obvious," she mumbled. I always knew she had a crush on James, but I didn't dare tell her that we used to fool around together. It would likely freak her out and possibly piss her off.

"Ummmm, anyway," I said, trying to make the conversation less awkward. "Getting back to what we were saying earlier; have you asked mom for help?"

"Are you kidding?" Katie snapped. "She's furious that I even had him! When I was preggo she was all, 'don't have the baby unless you can take care of him.' Yeah but I didn't listen. I thought it was wrong to get rid of him. Like, he's still human and stuff."

"I think you did the right thing," Logan said. He looked down and Marco and smiled. His face was red and his eyes were sparkling like diamonds. "He's so happy to be alive. Kenny, he has your nose. Did you see?"

"Yeah, I did actually."

"He looks like he could be _our _baby." Katie shot me a nasty glare after Logan said that. I mouthed the word "what" and stared back. She shook her head. "Those little brown eyes, that cute little face," Logan continued. I rolled my eyes.

"So how long are you here for, Katie?" I asked my sister.

"I dunno. Until I feel like going back."

"Did you take off time from work? Are they expecting you back?"

"Yeah duh. In like a week."

"Where are you staying? Can you afford that long?" After my questions, Katie looked at me with a big grin. "Yeah, see, about that," she said. "Kinda why I'm _here_."

"Oh, I get it. You want to stay with us?"

"How many favors have I done for you over the years?" She asked. That was a valid point. I didn't even have to think very hard and I came up with a ton of bailouts she had given me and my friends. The idea _alone _of a baby staying here for a week made me tired, but I couldn't tell Katie no.

"Okay," I said. "That's fine."

"Did you hear that?" Logan said to the baby, way too enthusiastically. "A whole week with us!"

"Yeah and no more smoking pot," I hissed at Logan. He looked sad. "Wasn't my idea," he said quietly.

"Maybe we just shouldn't have James over again," I said.

"Oo-okay."

"Have you considered moving back to LA?" I turned to Katie and asked.

"Actually, yeah."

"You might want to. We can help you out," I said.

"There's just been so much moving lately. Like, I don't really feel like going through it again."

"I get it," I told her. "But still, offer's open. UH, no you can't live with us, but we can definitely help you out."

"Thanks, bro."

"We'd be happy to take care of Marco whenever you want!" Logan said, sounding overenthusiastic and almost bubbly.

"Not whenever, but yeah, I suppose we could," I clarified.

"You guys are the best," Katie said. She hugged me again.

"I know we can't do everything you want," I said. "But I'll at least try to meet you halfway, right?"

"Why not everything?" Logan asked. He looked at him awkwardly.

"Well, just…" I began to speak, but Katie cut me off. "I want you guys to _have _Marco, but Kendall said no."

"Whaaaat?" Logan said. He looked upset, but before he could give me shit, I tried to snap some commonsense into his head. "We can't take care of a baby!" I exclaimed. "We have work and school and stuff. Maybe if he was a little older and more self-reliant, or I dunno."

"Awww, Katie," Logan cooed. He looked at her humbly. "I like that idea. But Kenny's right; it's not practical. But we'd be happy to watch him part time or something, right?"

"Uhhh, sure," I said, not entirely positive as to what I was agreeing with. I felt my headache coming back.


	13. Forgive

Dude. That fucking kid. Kept me up. All. Fucking. Night. Every hour or so, just as I thought I was about to fall back asleep, he'd start crying. Around 2, I rolled over and saw that Logan wasn't there. Grumbling to myself, I slid out of bed and dragged myself into the living room. Katie was feeding the baby as Logan watched.

"Don't watch that," I said groggily. "That's my sister's tit."

"I'm not looking at her tits, silly," Logan said. "She's covered."

"Same thing," I groaned. "Why can't that fucker sleep?"

"He's hungry," Katie bitched. "You think I'm happy about this? He's pulling on my nipple. It hurts. I hate this."

"I think it's beautiful," Logan remarked. "To think that we all started like this. Incredible, isn't it, Kenny?"

"I'm tired. I can't think about shit like that."

"Kendall," Logan said. He looked at me very seriously. "One day, you'll want to go back to these moments. And Marco will listen to the stories his uncle tells from when he was a baby and…be happy and stuff."

That's when it hit me. I hadn't seriously considered the fact that I was an uncle now. Baby Marco was my nephew. He was a part of my family forever. Exhausted and pissed off, I reluctantly took a seat between Katie and Logan and looked over at the baby. He stopped nursing and pulled away from my sister's boob. "Wanna hold him?" Katie asked.

"Yeah," I said. She carefully handed him to me and instructed how to keep his head up. "I know," I said. I took the baby and held him close to my chest. He was a tiny, weightless thing. "Hey fella," I said quietly. His glossy eyes stared at me, as if there were really heavy thoughts processing inside that wrinkly little head. I put a finger in front of him and he grabbed onto it. I laughed at how surprisingly firm his grip was.

"He has old man hands," Logan said. He was right. His teeny fingers were all pruney looking.

"Maybe he ain't so bad," I said. Marco's mouth popped open a few times. He made a "ahhh, ahhh" sort of sound. "Yeah Marco. I'm Uncle Kendall. How about that?"

"His cycle should get more reliable soon, I think," Katie said. "Right now it's a fucking nightmare."

"How do you manage to sleep?" I asked.

"I don't." She looked at me and furrowed her brow. "It sucks. I was searching for purpose in my life, and this totally isn't what I was expecting. But I guess it's okay."

"You should give him to James," Logan said, teasing. "He's searching for a purpose in his life."

"Not that kind of purpose," I said, scrunching up my face. I handed Marco back over to my sister. "He just wants someone to plow him regularly."

"Uggh, I don't wanna know!" Katie moaned. "I don't wanna think about that."

"Why?" I asked. "Because you want him to be pounding _you_, huh?"

"Shut up," she protested heavily. "Baby's asleep. You guys can go back to bed now."

I liked the idea of pestering her further, but it was late and we were tired. Logan and I agreed to Katie's suggestion and got our tired asses back to bed. I laid down and pulled the sheets up to my chest. Logan did the same. "I feel bad," he said.

"How come?"

"Everything seems so disappointing."

"Huh? Why?" I turned on my side and saw that Logan was staring up at the ceiling blankly.

"It dunno," he continued. "I guess I've just found out a lot about people recently. People keep many feelings to themselves, you know that? Everyone has a secret or two."

"That's very pensive, Logie," I said.

"I try to be smart about all things."

"You are." I put an arm around him and stroked his side. It tickled him a bit. Then I remembered how little sleep I'd be operating on in the morning. "I'm gonna die at work tomorrow."

"Me, too. Uh. At school, only."

I put my head onto his chest. His heart was beating nice and steady, in synch perfectly with the rhythm of his breathing. I closed my eyes and gently rose up and down.

"Would it be weird if we fucked while your sister was here?" Logan asked out of nowhere.

"Yeah," I said nonchalantly. "It would."

"Okay." Logan kept talking, but sleep overtook me.

* * *

I woke up of course feeling like I was going to die. I must admit though, it was nice to have some patchy kind of family to enjoy the morning with. Katie and I had our first cigarette together, we all had breakfast at the table, and then I got ready for work and Logan for school. We left at the same time. I had to ask myself if leaving Katie alone in our place was smart, but would could go wrong?

Work was uneventful, other than me dying all day, and when I came home, guess who I found? Fucking _James_, man. I opened the front door, and there was James sitting on the sofa with Katie and Marco.

"James? What the hell?"

"I thought Logan would be home," he said. Marco was in his arms. "Sorta forgot he had school. Cool to see Katie, though. Didn't know she had a kid now."

"I don't even know what to say," I said, throwing my hands up into the air. I walked right passed the bunch of them and straight to the bathroom. I had to ditch my stuffy work clothes.

"When does Logan get back?" James called out.

"Soon. He has a lot of classes today," I answered. I put on a pair of shorts and came back into the living room. "So I have to feed all of you?"

"No, not me," said James. "I was just a little lonely, that's all." He rocked Marco back and forth in his big arms and smiled at the baby. Why is everyone so crazy about him? The baby, I mean.

"So are you taking Marco?" I asked teasingly.

"I don't want a baby," James answered. He sounded strangely serious.

"And I wouldn't trust him alone with it," Katie snapped. James gasped. "Why not? I'm responsible."

"The hell you are," she said. "I'm not even sure why I let you hold him."

"Because maybe some of my awesomeness will rub off on him," James said, being a dickhead as usual. I grumbled and got a Coke out of the fridge. "You guys want anything?" I asked. They both said no.

"So James," Katie began. "How come you aren't getting married, too?"

"Ehh," James sighed. He looked down at Marco and sighed to himself. I couldn't believe Katie asked that! Before James had the chance to answer, I interrupted with my own snappy question; "How come _you _aren't married, Katie?"

"I told you. The dude disappeared."

"That's shitty," James said. "What kind of guy does that?"

"One that you're better off without," Katie said. She put her legs up on the sofa and lay on her side. I've never seen her face look so tired. At this rate, she'd get old before I did. "He was useless, now that I look back."

"Marco was an accident?" James asked.

"Yeah of course. Who isn't?"

"I wasn't," he said weakly. "Accidents this great don't usually happen."

"JAAAAMES!" I suddenly shouted. Katie stared at me with her eyes wide open. My fingers went to my temples a la Gustavo and I groaned loudly.

"Wh…what?" James asked, sounding like an abused woman. I ran up to him and pointed in his face.

"You know why you're alone?" I yelled. He shook his head side to side quickly. "Because you're totally fucking narcissistic. Yeah, it was funny when we were in the band. It was your thing. But now it's just sad. Get the _fuck _over yourself already. If you were really so fucking great, you would have somebody by now. You'd get the _fuck _over me and move on with your god damn life!"

James stared at me with his mouth open. I scowled and stood there, speechless, waiting for someone else to speak. Marco began crying.

"God damn it, Kendall," Katie barked. "Look what you did? He's crying now."

I didn't know if she was angry about Marco or James. Tears ran down both of their faces.

"Grow up," I said to James. With no pity in me, I turned around and walked out onto the balcony. I slammed the glass door shut and took a seat. Seriously, I had had enough of James's bullshit. Who wants to listen to a grown man talk about how great he is? Someone had to tell him. I started to wonder if he had any other friends. You never know. People don't want to be around a guy like that, especially if they haven't known him since his was little. Inside, I began to feel bad, but I still stood by the fact that he had to be set straight.

I didn't realize it, but right around then, Logan came home. I wasn't listening to anything happening inside the condo, but then the door slid open and my fiancé came out.

"Kendall," he said. I jumped and looked back at him in shock.

"Oh," I said. "Didn't know you were home."

"Why did you yell at James?" Logan asked, ignoring what I said.

"He's a dickhead," I said.

"Well yeah, but you didn't need to scream it at him." Logan sat down on the stool across from me. He looked upset and angry.

"What?!" I asked.

"I can't believe you yelled at him like that. Look." He pointed inside. James hadn't moved since I yelled. His face was red and he continued to cry. Katie had the baby now. "He's really unstable. Upsetting him like that could be really bad."

"_He deserved it_," I insisted. "He's unstable 'cause he can't get a meaningful relationship, and he can't get a relationship 'cause he's a dickhead. I'm telling you, it's for his own sake I did that."

Logan folded his arms and stared at me. I know what that face means; it's the "go apologize" face that he learned from my mom. At the end of the day, Logan has the most authority over me. Sure, he takes care of the house and I work fulltime, but when he tells me to do something, I do it. Groaning to myself, I got up and sloshed my way inside. James got up and ran out the front door before I had the chance to speak to him.

"Wait, James!" I called out, but it was too late.

"Fuck you, Kendall," Katie said. "You're a jerk."

"What?"

"You aren't very nice," she said.

"You don't know what you're talking about," I told her. "But…"

Logan came back inside.

"He left," Katie told him.

"Kenny, go get him! Don't let him be alone right now." Logan looked really upset.

"Why do I have to…" Katie and Logan both cut me off by saying, "GO!" at the same time. I made a loud noise of irritation but went out the front door anyway.

"James, wait!" I yelled down the hallway. I could hear someone walking away from me, towards the elevators. I ran down the hall, but just as I got there the door was closing. I clicked the down button incessantly. "Come on, come on," I said to myself. Logan's worrying started to sink in. Maybe it _was _dangerous for James to be alone.

The elevator finally got there and I took it down to the lobby. I could only hope that James was going to go home. The doors opened on the ground floor and I practically flew out from them. My feet carried me out of the building and onto the sidewalk I knew oh too well. I looked to the right and saw no James. I looked to the left and luckily, he was walking away. I ran as fast as I could and finally caught up to him.

"James!" I yelled as I grabbed his shoulder and pulled him to face me.

"_What_," he snapped.

"I'm sorry," I apologized, slightly out of breath. He stood there are stared at me with a blank face. "It was wrong of me to say that. I've just been frustrated, not sleeping well, and, uhh, see…"

"What."

"Saturday night, I overheard you and Logan talking, after I passed out in the bathroom."

"Oh."

"I didn't know," I said. James wrinkled his forehead.

"Didn't know what?" He asked. "I don't remember talking to Logan after you passed out. What did we say?"

"UH. You told him how you always wanted to be with me, and once I got together with him, you would never settle, 'cause you only wanted to settle with me."

"Ohh…" James looked down and got even redder in the face. "Sorry I told him that."

"It's okay. Logan's an understanding guy, you know that."

"Awkward, though."

"I feel guilty about that," I admitted. "If I had known you wanted to be with me like that…" Here, I stopped talking. There was no reason to keep on explaining. James knew what I was going to say.

"Guess we both fucked up," he said, quietly. I agreed.

"But it shouldn't ever stop you from finding someone else," I said. "That's silly."

"I dunno."

"You'll find someone."

"I dunno." He looked down the street and far away. His eyes glazed over. "I don't really think I'm all that good looking."

"_What_?" I asked. I couldn't believe what I was hearing!

"If I'm really so hot, how come it's hard for me to get guys?"

"What the fuck, James," I said. "You're…well…you're beautiful. Is that a weird thing to say? I think you're amazing looking, and I've always thought so. You're probably just trying too hard. Find something else to do with your life and focus on that. Then the right guy will fall into place."

"I guess." He smiled a little, finally.

"Gotta be happy with yourself first," I said. I patted him on the shoulder. "Besides, you could totally find a guy better looking than me. I mean, have you seen my face?"

Then, before things got even more awkward, I heard Logan calling out our names. He and Katie came running out of the building and towards us. "You okay?" Logan yelled.

"Yeah, we're fine," I answered. He caught up to us and Katie trailed behind, holding onto Marco. "Everything's fine."

"Sure?" Logan asked.

"Yep," James and I said at the same time. "We'll be right back in."

"Okay, okay. If you're sure." Logan gave me a little kiss on the cheek and then told Katie to go back inside. He took the baby from her, and they both headed back towards the front door. Logan smiled and made little noises at Marco as they walked.

"He wants that baby," James told me quietly.

"I know, don't remind me," I said with an irritated sigh. "He's practically begging."

"Someday?"

"Definitely, just not now." I took out a cigarette and lit up in my mouth. James basically snatched it from me, so I lit another. He used to do that a lot.

"It'd be weird to see you guys with a baby."

"Tell me about it," I said, rolling my eyes. "Feels weird to think about it."

"I'll have one someday, too," James said. "I want to party a little more first."

"Makes sense. Anyway, let's head back in. No hard feelings, right?"

"Right."

"Nothing creepy between us?"

"Right."


	14. Almost

Something really weird happened that day. Once everyone made it back inside, James and Katie returned to their seats at the sofa and continued their conversation from earlier. I didn't realize what they had been discussing, but apparently James had offered my sister room at his place.

"Either way I'd have to fly back at least once," Katie said. They were talking in rather serious tones, which was unusual for banter between them.

"Yeah, I mean, whenever," James said. "You don't have to, but it might be nice."

I followed Logan into the kitchen with my arms on his shoulders. He leaned his head to the side and whispered, "Does James want Katie to actually _live _live with him?"

"I think so," I whispered back. "Seems weird."

"Are they getting together?"

"No way, that's stupid. He just likes both of them."

Logan made a couple humming sounds to himself, obviously thinking things through. As he did this, and I was still hanging on him, he pulled the milk out of the fridge and poured a glass.

"You want any?" he asked me. He was still whispering, and that cracked me up. His face looked so serious. I shook my head. When he was done, we went back to the sofa and joined the other two and a half people.

"Bro, thanks for letting me stay here," Katie said suddenly.

"Uh, sure, no problem?"

"I'm gonna pack up and go to James's."

"What?" I asked. Of course I had a feeling it was coming, but it still took me off guard. She handed Marco over to James and started to get his things together. I looked at James curiously. "You guys hooking up?" I asked.

"No, of course not," James said comically. "I don't like women, you of all people should know that. But I really like the baby, and I already have weird sleep hours, and I think I could help her out a lot."

"Sure you're gay, right?" I prodded. Yeah I was being funny, but part of me was still kind of doubting all of this.

"Have I ever not been gay?" James asked. He shot me a very "duh" stare, following by the tip of his tongue.

"Yeah, good point," I said. "But I still feel dissed."

Logan suddenly hugged me. "Why?" He asked sweetly. "Marco was driving you crazy."

"But he's still family."

Katie came over and stood in front of me. I looked up at her and saw that she was making a sad face. She clutched a diaper bag to her chest and frowned. "I'll come over and stuff. James is just _really _helpful."

"He isn't gonna go for you, you know that," I said.

"I know! Oh my God, Kendall. Stop thinking like that."

"I'm just telling you."

"_I know_. And anyway, I'm going home in a few days regardless. But, I might move back here." She smiled and walked back to her belongings. As she finished up packing, I called James over to where I was. "Let me see him again," I said, pointing at the baby. James handed him over to me and I held Marco against my chest. Logan popped over my shoulder and looked at the baby with sparkling eyes.

"He's so beautiful," Logan cooed.

"Yeah, he kinda is," I agreed quietly.

Marco opened and closed his hands many times. His eyes focused on me, and he started to giggle in that weird way little babies laugh. I couldn't help but smile and even laugh a bit myself when he did this. That kid looked a _lot_ like me; it was almost weird. His face reminded me of my own baby pictures. For a moment, I considered what his life might turn out to be. Sure, Katie acted like he was a terrible burden, but in the end she still loved him. I didn't doubt her ability to be a good mother, as odd as that might sound. The prospects of her having a kid would blow my mind endlessly, though.

Logan cupped his hand around the back of Marco's head and touched him softly. Watching him gaze at that baby brought out my instinct, that's for sure. Deep inside, I _did _wish that he was ours. I wished that we were parents, here and now, taking care of this little person. But the time wasn't right. I knew that. I did my best to swallow those feelings, and never, ever, _ever _tell Logan until we _were _ready (he would take it too far).

"Anyway," Katie said, snapping me out of my fantasies. "We're gonna go."

"Have fun pretending to be straight," I teased James, giving the baby back to my sister. James ignored what I said and followed Katie to the door. Logan chased after them as they walked out of the condo, desperate to keep staring at Marco. He was baby crazy, that was for sure.

"Bye Marco! Bye! Byyyee!" He called out.

"I'll be back tomorrow or something, maybe we can go do, uh, something," Katie said. She waved and suddenly they were gone. Logan closed the door and zoomed back over to the sofa. His body stretched out over the cushions and he propped his head up on my lap. I looked down at him. His face was red.

"What's up?" I asked.

"Marco makes me happy," he said cheerily.

"Yeah I know."

"He makes me really happy."

"_Yeah_, I know." I chuckled to myself and smoothed his hair down. He was trying to get me to admit I wanted a baby, but I'm a little bit smarter than that. "Here, get up," I said. Logan sat up on the sofa and I pulled him into my lap, facing me. He straddled my legs and hooked his arms around my back.

"Hi," he whispered cutely.

"Hey," I answered. We bumped our noses together. Logan scooted his crotch closer to my hips, and I felt pressure growing in his pants.

"Oh, Logie," I whispered with a chuckle, tipping my chin down. He winced and stuck his tongue out. Turning him on is something I take great pride in. As he is my man, my love, my guy, my property, I like to assert my dominance over him and get off on that thrill. It's something that two souls share when they merge halfway. The one which takes charge sometimes needs to power trip. Just knowing that the submissive person enjoys bowing down is enough to pump you up.

"My sister's gone now," I whispered. "So it wouldn't be weird if we had sex."

"I know," Logan chortled. His soft hands found their way around the back of my collar and under my shirt. He gave my skin small, playful, inviting scratches that oozed desired. I sucked in my lower lip and rolled my eyes back. He knows I love rough foreplay, but he needs to curb his lust better. As our hips began to grind against each other, I ran my hands up the front of Logan's shirt and pulled it off over his head. Even though he still works out and keeps his body fairly cut, there's a soft quality to his body. His skin is sensitive; sometimes just toweling off after a shower will make it red. He bleeds and bruises easily (don't ask me to explain this). His body glows, I guess. It's still young and beautiful. The curve of his back that runs to his ass has been perfectly sculpted by God.

I cupped my hands over his biceps. They're big and firm, but also smooth and tender, like a marble statue. He gave me a cute, seductive little smile.

"What," I whispered in response, but he just shook his head and moaned very softly. "Tease," I said.

"Maaayyybe."

"Maybe means yes."

"I know."

"Shut up and kiss me," I took the back of his head in my hands and pulled him to my lips. He plastered his chest to mine, grinding against my boner much harder now, and our tongues wrestled. It made a deliciously wet noise.

"If only we could make babies," Logan said.

"You're still thinking about that?"

"Yeah. Is that okay?"

"I guess. We'd have too many if we could make them."

"Perhaps."

"We can still pretend we'd make 'em, right?"

"Yeah," Logan flashed his fucking adorable dimples at me for a moment, and then he unzipped my fly and let the beast out. It needed air. Bad.

"Someday," I said as Logan casually jerked me off. "Someday we'll have kids."

"You think so?" His face lit up.

"Why not? We'd pull it off just as well as Katie and James."

"They aren't having a baby _together_, Kendall," Logan said. He scoffed and rolled his eyes.

"I'm teasing! Come on. But you know what I mean."

"Okay, I guess so," he kept talking as he kept jerking me off. I relaxed against the back of the sofa further and closed my eyes. "If I got Katie pregnant, the kid would practically be the same as if you and I actually had one."

At first, that sounded really strange. I didn't answer for a minute. I had to let it sink in. But he was right. If Katie had a baby with Logan, it would basically be a genetic match for us. It would certainly look like ours. I smiled to myself at the thought.

"Yeah," I said. "But you'd just beat off and squirt it up her. No banging my sister."

"Sick, dude. If that was the only way, I wouldn't."

"Which?"

"Fucking her of course."

"I can't imagine your dick going inside something," I said, laughing. Logan is of course male, but he's such a bottom, I could never see him doing the plowing.

"Inside your mouth," he added sweetly.

"That goes without saying, you know what I mean. Plus, your dick doesn't go in my mouth without my tongue going in your ass, so, yeah."

"Egghh," Logan stifled a moan in his mouth. He winced a little.

"What's wrong?"

He looked embarrassed suddenly as he whispered, "I want your tongue in my ass." I laughed. I laughed probably too loud.

"You don't have to be so ashamed to admit it," I said. "But I'm kind of hungry for food-food, so maybe I'll have you for dessert?"

"Baawww," he groaned.

"Just sit on my dick real quick and then we can have dinner. Okay?"

"Oookay."


	15. Truth

"Kenny, wake up…"

"Mffh…wha…huh?" Logan stirred me from a dream I didn't remember. Slowly I opened my eyes and made out his shape within the choking dark of the room. We were both on our sides, facing each other. "Whaa…"

"I can't sleep," he said. I did my best to reach out and touch his face. It was slightly frustrating that he had to wake me up, but I understood. Logan put his hand on top of mine and squeezed.

"Why can't you sleep, baby?" I mumbled.

"I dunno. Butterflies I guess."

"Awww," I flung my arms around him and pulled his body close to mine. Some time had gone by and it was March now; only two months until our wedding. I think I had come to terms with the reality of it, but Logan was so incredibly nervous about it that I was worried. I held him tight and asked, "What part of it is buggin' ya?"

"It's a big step in my life. Our lives. It makes me emotional."

"We've been through a lot, Logie. It'll be great," I reassured him. He pressed his nose against my neck and breathed gently. "I can't wait to start this journey with you," I said.

"Me, too," he added. "It's just so final and so big. I'm worried I'll fuck the planning up or something. You know I don't do well under pressure."

"There is no pressure," I told him. "It's all what you wanna do. Take it at your own pace and when it seems like too much, stop or let me handle it. Okay?"

"Okay." Logan hugged me a little tighter and sighed. I've become an expert at reading him, and obviously our wedding wasn't the only thing bothering him tonight.

"What's really bugging you?" I asked tenderly.

"I dunno."

"Hmmm?" I touched the back of his head lightly and held him close. He's such an energetic guy, but when his emotions overtake him it can be difficult to make him open up.

"I gotta tell you something," he whispered.

"What?"

"I'm not going to be a doctor."

"Huh?" I moved his head away from me and tried my best to look at him. I didn't believe what I was hearing, and it was serious enough that I reached over to my nightstand and clicked on the lamp. The room flooded with its gentle glow and Logan shielded his eyes with his hand. I returned to his side and slipped my arms around his waist. "Babe, what are you talking about?" I asked gently. My fiancé stared up at me with his gorgeous brown eyes, blinking hard, and didn't answer me. His lips parted but remained quiet. "Logan…"

"I was never going to be a doctor," he finally said.

"What?"

"I'm just studying to be a nurse." His face fell flat and he looked as if he'd cry. I didn't want to see that. It wasn't worth crying over. I planted a warm kiss on his mouth and he certainly didn't resist. His tender little lips sucked against my tongue and he let out a tiny moan. My eyes closed and I slowly rolled him onto his back. I straddled his waist and pressed his wrists down onto the pillow. When I opened my eyes, I stopped kissing him and moved a few inches away from his face. Logan was staring back at me with his eyes turning red.

"Babe," I whispered. "Do whatever you want. Why's it make you sad?"

"I lied," Logan said. He reached up and cupped his sweet little hands around my face. "I wanted to be a doctor my whole life, but after we got together I knew you wouldn't be happy if I was that busy."

"Oh, Logie," I sighed. "I'm happy with whatever makes_ you_ happy."

I really didn't want to see him cry. It didn't matter to me that he had lied, and I didn't care what he would do with his career. Of course I had been worried about him working more and making more than me, but at the end of the day I just wanted him to be happy. I gave him a few more kisses on the lips; just brief ones that almost popped when I planted them. But his eyes welled up regardless, and presently a tear trickled out and rolled to his ear. I caught it against my thumb before it got too far.

"Honey," I cooed. "It's fine."

"I j-just wanna make you happy," Logan sniffed. His crying was inevitable, but I did my best to stop it anyway. "J-just want you t-to be happy-y-y."

"I am, Logie," I said, smiling and shaking my head. "I'm so happy. I'm happy with whatever you want to do. I want to see my Logie bear smile every day. Doesn't matter what I gotta do to make that happen."

"Oh, Kenny," Logan said, sniffing. More tears fell, but his lips finally curled with a sweet joy. "I love you."

"I love you too," I whispered. Before he could say anything else, I shushed him and kissed his lips once more. He put his arms around my back and touched my shoulder blades. I smiled and rubbed my nose against his, which also made him giggle.

"You're amazing," I said.

"I dunno about that," he answered. I started to grind my hips against his crotch. His back arched and a little moan slipped out from between his lips.

"You like that?" I asked. He said nothing and nodded, widening his eyes. "Feel good?"

"Yeah," he whispered. Those fingers tensed and dug into my back. I ran my tongue up his cheek once and moved to his neck. My teeth barred down and nibbled his flesh delicately. Between bites I said, "I kinda like the idea of you being a nurse."

"You do?" Logan asked cutely.

"Yeah. You can be my little nurse, huh? You can take care of me better."

"Mmmm, yeah," he purred. I flicked my tongue across his neck and he moaned louder. I felt his dick start to firm up against mine, which was already rock hard. He rolled his body back and put his legs up around my hips.

"You'll be a good nurse," I said, starting to build a rhythm between our hips. His eyes rolled back into his head and he continued to groan as I teased. "A good little nurse."

"Mhh…yeah…" Logan moaned, rolling his head back into the pillow further. I slid my fingers along his sides and ran them to his butt, where I pulled down his boxers and squeezed his butt up against my dick.

"I have an injection for Nurse Logan," I said with a laugh. "But we'll use plenty of lube this time."

I snatched a little plastic bottle from my nightstand and squeezed out some lubricant onto my cock. I touched the head of it against Logan's tight hole and knocked for entrance. He took his own penis into his hand and began to jerk himself off. He stared up at me and bit his lower lip. I wanted him so bad.

"Fuck me Kendall," he whispered.

My cock slid inside the hole I know so well and was greeted by a tight hug. Logan cried out in pleasure as I began to fuck him. His fingernails scratched me, sending sensual shivers down my spine, and made continuous moans as I thrust into him.

"You like that?" I asked.

"Mmmm...Kenny..."

I picked up the pace and began to really slap my hips against his butt. It made a _blap _noise each time I thrust into him. For some reason, I came quite quickly. I panted and suddenly increased my speed. I shot a thick load inside him and let out a long, drawn out groan. Logan gave me a naughty smile and laughed. I pulled out of him and flopped down on my side. I sighed and hooked an arm around him.

"Thought I would last longer, sorry," I said between huffs.

"No worries, baby," Logan said. He cuddled up against me and put a kiss on my cheek. He looked very satisfied, regardless of an orgasm or not. "I love you."

"Love you, too," I whispered. "Everything will work out." I closed my eyes and sleep quickly over took me. I assume Logan found the same fate.

* * *

When I woke up in the morning, I realized that I didn't even bother to turn the lamp off. I reached out my hand and tugged on the chain that hangs from the light bulb. Logan was still fast asleep. I rolled over onto my side and watched him snore ever so gently. He was on his back and his mouth hanged open just a smidgen, allowing a safe exit for all of his cute little noises. Careful not to wake him, I placed my hand onto his chest and felt his steady heartbeat. It's nice when he's sleeping, because he is for once relieved of all daily stressors. I really wish he wouldn't get so worried about things. This lie about his schooling was going to really freak him out, I knew that. It didn't bother me. I wished he had told me sooner, so that I hadn't gone crazy when my mom talked about me being the housewife. But it was fine. I understand how Logan thinks and feels and he really doesn't do well under pressure. Then it occurred to me that he would probably be a bad doctor, given the reality of his stress level. Or maybe he is different when he works? I couldn't tell him that, of course, though I wish I could. It might give him peace of mine. Yet on the other hand, it would likely just make him feel bad about himself, and I don't need that.

As the sun came through the window and beamed onto our faces, Logan's eyes wiggled and blinked open. I was looking at him still, and when he turned his head to the side and saw that, he jumped.

"Morning," I said with a grin. He giggled sheepishly and returned the greeting, followed by a tiny kiss on the bridge of my nose. "Sleep well?" I asked.

"Yeah, great," he answered. "Was just what I needed last night."

"Cool. I thought so."

"I had a dream that we were both women, isn't that weird?"

"Uh huh."

He sat up and pulled his knees to his chest. He looked adorable.

"We were both pregnant," he continued. "And I gave birth to a bunch of muffins." His smile faded and he suddenly stared at the wall with a peculiar seriousness. "Now I want muffins," he said.

"You're a nut," I accused him. "Stop dreaming about babies."

"I can't help it."

"I guess. So do you want muffins actually?"

"Would be nice."

"Get dressed and let's go to store. Sunday morning muffin run, huh?" I smiled and lightly smacked him on the thigh just as I jumped out of bed. I went to the bathroom and got dressed as quickly as I could. Logan was still just climbing out of bed.

"Let me go smoke while you get ready, kay?"

"Okay."

I went onto the patio, had a quick cigarette then popped back inside and saw Logan was still in the bathroom.

"Come on," I said. "Why are you taking so long?"

"I'm still sleepy," he complained from the other side of the door. I groaned and slumped against the wall.

"You really are like a woman," I said.

"Shut up," Logan griped. The door opened and he came out looking really fucking cute. He hadn't bothered doing anything with his hair, so it just fell flat and smooth over his head, with little stray strands reaching down his forehead. He also had a regular pair of jeans on and a v neck t-shirt. I grinned when I saw him but he basically ignored it.

"Ooookay, I'm ready finally," he said. "Let's go get muffins!"

I took his hand in mine and led him to the door. When I opened it up, fucking _James_ was standing there with his elbow up against the threshold. Logan and I both screamed when we saw him, but he just stared at us calmly and said, "Hey, hope I'm not here too early."

"Yeah, you kinda _are_," I snapped. "What the hell, dude. I just want to have a romantic breakfast with my fiancé."

"Your mom has Marco, and Katie sexhiled me."

"What?"

"She sexhiled me."

"Yeah I heard that," I said. Logan giggled. "But with who?"

"Her new boyfriend," James said casually. He pointed his finger at me like a gun and winked.

"She has a boyfriend? What the fuck. When did this happen?"

"I found out last week."

"So you're going to crash my Sunday morning? Don't you have anything better to do?" I said. James looked sad.

"You don't wanna hang with me?" He asked weakly.

"_Like I said_, I'm trying to have a nice breakfast with Logan. Not Logan and James."

"It's okay," Logan chimed in. "He can come with us. Really not a big deal."

I groaned and sighed, but ultimately let James come along. Third wheel. If Logan said it was okay, I'd have to allow it. So we went to the store and had muffins. James has been trying to cut sugar out of his diet, so he was bitching and complaining the whole time about how much sugar is in the muffins.

"What the fuck do you expect?" I griped.

"It's crazy," James said. "And they wonder why America is so fat."

"I like 'em," Logan said, staring at the muffin top he had yet to finish. There were a few stray crumbs on his face, but I didn't say anything 'cause they made him look so cute.

"You're neurotic," I told James as I looked at Logan and smiled endearingly. "Just enjoy your damn life. Isn't that baby supposed to fulfill you?"

"Well, he does," said James. He tore off a piece of the pastry he was nibbling on like a bird and tossed it in his mouth. "I love Marco. In fact, I don't think he sees his uncle enough."

"Yeah, I know," I said, feeling kind of bad. "We really need to see you more often."

"Seeeee?" James said. "Not so bad that I'm here, huh, huh?"

"I guess," I mumbled. "So what's with this boyfriend? Is he a good guy? Is she making good choices? Oh my God, she better not get pregnant again."

"Relax, man," James said. "He's cool."

"I worry about her," I admitted. My elbows sat on the table and I propped my face up in my hands. Logan looked at me and made a sad face. "I don't want her making poor decisions," I said.

"Can't stop her anyway," James said, not helping. "But she's gonna be fine."

"Are you watching out for her?" I asked.

"Yep."

I solemnly finished my muffin and sighed. Logan reached his hand out and put it on my arm. "She's an adult," he said quietly. "Just let her go."

"Yeah I know, I know. It's really difficult to!" I said. I wasn't angry or anything, just passionate. James and Logan listened attentively as I continued. "She's always been and always will be my baby sister. It freaks me out to see her grow up, and it seems like she's grown up really, really fast. Of course I worry about her; I always will. So does mom. But I feel like she's never had a masculine influence in her life, so maybe it's my job to do that. Then she goes back home and she gets pregnant, the guy disappears...sometimes I feel guilty about that."

"Aww, Kenny," Logan cooed, patting my arm more. "It's not your fault. People gotta make their own choices."

"Still…"

"She has me now," James said.

"I don't know if you count as a 'masculine influence', James," I said. He looked at me with utter shock. "What? This doesn't look masculine to you?!" He pulled up his sleeves and flexed his biceps, and then he lifted his shirt and rolled his abs. "This doesn't look masculine to you?!" He put his hands up to his face and shimmied his fingers. "_This..._doesn't look masculine to you?"

"Ugh, it's not about looking masculine," I said, trying to forget what I had just seen. "It's about being the man of the house. Being the male figure she can look up to. Like how I am for Logan."

Logan smiled and blushed. "I-I guess so," he said.

"What_ever_, man," James snapped. "I'm at least taking care of this baby part time."

"Real masculine," Logan said quietly. James shot daggers at him with his eyes and made a "hmpph" noise. Then his face lit up and changed emotions entirely as he said, "Oh yeah!"

"What?" Logan and I asked simultaneously.

"I heard from Carlos."

"Oh?" I asked.

"Yup. He's gonna be home just in time for y'all's wedding."

"Sweet!" Logan cheered. "I can't wait to see him."

"Yeah me too. He must be crazy busy," I said.

"Well, you know how it is. How it was," James said. He swept up the space of the table he had been eating on and threw his trash away. I did the same, but Logan wasn't quite finished yet. "Been a while since I've seen him, too," James added.

"Stupid time," I said. "Stupid time going by in our stupid lives."

"Woah, grump grump, huh?" James teased.

"What? It's frustrating."

"I know, I'm just kidding. But you should've seen your face."

"I don't wanna see my face," I said.

Logan finally finished up and we headed back home. James and I both lit up on our walk to the condo. Logan held my free hand tightly.

"So when do you get to go back?" I asked James.

"Eh, like an hour I guess."

"You gonna hang around with us more or go somewhere else?"

"I might just go shopping, now that everything's almost open."

"Sounds good," I said. "You still don't have anybody in your life, love interest wise?"

"No," James said sharply. He looked down and made a bitter face. "No, I don't."

"You will," Logan encouraged him. "Don't try so hard and just let it happen."

"Yeah easy for you to say," James said.

"I didn't mean to…"

"Sorry, it's alright. I'm just a bit pissed about it all," James tried to smile but failed.

"It's not such a big deal," I told him in absolute honesty. "You have a long time to find someone. You will. There's someone for everyone, and in time, I think this Diamond will settle."

James perked up and smiled at me. His eyes still looked sad, but he seemed to feel alright. I patted him on the shoulder and pointed out our condo just up ahead. We said our goodbyes and I watched James sulk away.


	16. Mistake

I had to call Katie later that day. It was starting to feel like I had abandoned her years ago, and that her pregnancy and stupid lifestyle was partially my fault. Logan told me that it was wrong to think that way, and I knew it; but deep down it was hurting. She never had a father figure in her life except for me. When she wanted to move back to Minnesota, I should have told her to stay. I know it was because she didn't want to live with mom any longer, but she had no place else to go. I take responsibility for not offering her space with me, even though at the time it was nearly impossible. She needed me, and I failed her. Consequently, she went back home and basically ruined her life. What was she going to do now? No education, no real work experience, a baby and no men to help her. Okay, well she had James now, but he only really counts as another woman helping her out. I had done very well for myself, and it made me sick to my stomach to know that Katie hadn't.

I stopped tying knots with my thoughts and called her. "Katie," I said into the phone as soon as she picked up.

"What." Her answer was monotonous.

"Is everything okay?"

"Uh. _Yeah_. What about you?"

"Yes of course. You aren't doing anything stupid, right?"

"Uhhh…no…why?" She sounded a little irritated.

"James told me that you have a new boyfriend, and you're sleeping with him already."

"Kendall!" She snapped. "Why do you even care?"

"I'm worried about you, baby sister."

"Stop worrying." She really didn't sound happy. Apparently I had stepped on her toes with this phone call. My mind started to scamper.

"Katie, don't do anything stupid," I said quickly.

"I don't plan on it."

"Is James taking care of you?" I asked.

"What do you mean taking care of me? No, not really. I mean, he's letting me live here and stuff, and he's great with Marco, but I don't…I don't understand."

"Okay. Just, if you need anything, let me know, okay?"

"I will," she said, sounding irritated. "Are you done now?"

"Yeah I guess so."

"Okay. I gotta go. I'll talk to you later." She hung up immediately. I stared at my phone and watched it turn off. She was definitely mad, but I had to check up on her, you know. I threw my phone onto the coffee table and lay onto my back with my hands behind my head. My eyes closed and I heard Logan walk up to me.

"You okay?" He asked quietly. I looked up at him and smiled halfheartedly. "I guess. Just tried talking to Katie."

"I know, I was right here, silly. Just let her go," he said. He placed a hand over my forehead and gently stroked me with his fingers. "I know she still feels like a kid, but she isn't. She's grown, and if she's gonna fuck her life up, there's nothing you can do about it. Just accept it."

"Blaaaaah," I groaned. "You're right, I know, I know. It's soooo hard to, though. I wish I coulda been the father she needed."

"It's alright, honey. Just…just accept it. Now, do you want to have lunch?" He removed his hand and replaced it with a tiny kiss. I nodded and made a smile. "Whatcha make?" I asked.

"Just grilled cheese. But I put three different kinds of cheese into it, so they should be really good." He walked back to the kitchen with a happy bounce in his step. "Come before they get cold."

"Alright, alright." I got up from the sofa slowly and hobbled over to the table.

"Want something to drink?"

"Nah, I'm good." I took a seat and he soon came back with a nice looking fried sandwich. There was even a pickle laid next to it and a pile of chips. "Awww, it looks amazing," I said.

He sat down with his sandwich and grinned. "Thanks," he said. I watched him pick up one half of the grilled cheese and take a little bite. "Ohh, it's great," he whispered. I did the same and agreed. It was so gooey and warm.

"You're an awesome cook," I said. "Really, really awesome."

"Come on, that's silly. It's just a sandwich."

"But it's a _great _sandwich."

"Pshhh," he rolled his eyes and blushed. "So anyway, what are we gonna do about James?"

"What do you mean?" I popped a few chips into my mouth.

"He needs a boyfriend."

"Yeah I know. How can we help that?"

"No idea. But we're friends and friends help each other out." Logan finished the one half of his sandwich and licked grease off of his fingers. I eyed him. "I don't know any gay guys that he would like," I said, trying to stay on topic. "I basically don't know any gays other than you and him."

"We gotta help him somehow," Logan said. He looked sad.

"Oh come on, he'll live."

"But he's soooo sad."

"He needs to solve his own problems."

Logan suddenly jumped up and pointed in my face. "HA!" He yelled. I stared at him with my eyes wide open. He continued to shout, "SEE? EXACTLY! Do you understand how I feel about you and Katie? She needs to solve her own problems!"

I sat there and looked at Logan like he was crazy. He suddenly acted embarrassed and sat back down like nothing happened. The room fell quiet, and I put another chip into my mouth. I cleared my throat and said, "I get it." He started eating the rest of his sandwich and smiled. "I'm sorry," I said.

"For what?"

"Being weird."

"I like it when you're weird."

"Silly." I reached across the table and poked him on the nose. He scrunched up his face and kept chewing. "But do you mean that about James?"

"Yeah, I do, actually," Logan said. "I think that we can help him find love."

"Alright, well," I bit off part of the pickle and raised my eyebrows. "Let's help him find love."

I don't know how Logan managed to convince me to agree with that task. It was clearly impossible. After lunch, we cuddled on the sofa and watched TV for a while. Logan put his head in my lap and I touched his arm lightly.

"It's amazing to me that I even managed to find you," I said.

"Whaddya mean?"

"Of all the people in the world, I managed to find the love of my life right uh," I looked down and laughed. "Under my nose."

"I don't think there's only 'one' person for everyone," Logan said.

"Oh?"

"No, think about it. Statistically speaking, we would likely never find that person, if you consider how big the world is. It would take some sort of fate bring them together, and even then you would never know if there are more out there for you."

"I think there's fate," I said quietly. "Fate's gotta find a man for James."

"I still think we're pivotal in making that connection happen."

"How? Like, seriously. How are we gonna do that?"

"We will," Logan said. A look of determination flashed across his face. "Somehow we will."

Xoxoxox

The next day, we have Katie and James over after we got home. If I hadn't been a good father figure to Katie, then I would take the opportunity to be there for Marco. Logan decided he would make dinner for everyone, so when I got in from work he was buzzing around the kitchen like a cute little worker bee. I came in and dropped my briefcase by the door.

"Hey you," Logan said.

"Having a conniption yet, babe?"

"Why would I do that?"

I took off my suit jacket and hung it on the rack by the door, and then I went into the kitchen and watched Logan toss a salad (no, really tossing a salad). "Because you do that sometimes I guess. I'm just teasing you," I told him. He looked over his shoulder and showed his dimples.

"I know," he said. "Could you help me out with the table?"

"Sure."

Logan finished making dinner as I set the table, and soon enough our guests arrived. Katie was still acting a little irritated with me, but I think she was happy to be over. I took Marco from her and held him in my arms. "Little guy's getting bigger every day, huh?" I said.

"Yeah, totally," Katie said.

Logan ran up alongside me and looked at the baby in my arms. He started to make babbly noises as he touched Marco's face. I rolled my eyes. Katie sat down at the dinner table and sighed heavily.

"What's wrong?" I asked her.

"Tired."

James sat beside her and looked over at me. "Marco's been soooo fussy lately," he said. "We aren't getting any sleep."

"Awww!" Logan cried. "Baby's being fussy?" He wiggled his finger in front of Marco's face and grinned ear to ear. I took the baby and placed him in his carried, which Katie had put close to her chair. Marco looked up at me and giggled as he made spit bubbles. I chuckled to myself.

Dinner was relatively uneventful. Katie was so exhausted that she barely included herself in any of our conversations, so we were stuck listening to James babble about this and that. Marco became very fussy as we finished up dessert. Katie and James were trying their best to calm him down, but to no avail.

"I really should take him home," Katie said. "Thanks for having us, bro."

"No problem," I said. "We should do this more often."

Logan was picking up our dirty plates and loading the dishwasher. He perked up when Katie said she was going home, and he came running back into the dining room. "Already?" He asked worriedly.

"Yeah, sorry," Katie said.

"Awww. Let me walk down with you."

They loaded Marco up and went to leave, but James wasn't ready yet. "You can get home without me, right?" He asked. Katie nodded. James had a beer from our fridge and stretched out on the couch.

"Just move right in, won'cha?" I said, acting slightly annoyed. James said nothing and grinned.

"I'll be back in a little bit, okay?" Logan said as he opened the front door for my sister.

"That's cool," I said, waving. The door closed and only James and I remained in the apartment. Maybe now would be a good time to discuss finding him a partner? I crouched down on the floor in front of the sofa. "Sooo, James," I said.

"Yeah?"

"Logan and I have been wanting you to get a boyfriend."

"Oh."

"We think it would make you happy."

"I guess." He looked apprehensive.

"It's what you want, right?" I asked, wrinkling my brow. He turned his head to me and gave a blank stare. "I guess," he said.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I don't know what I want."

"Well, we want you to be happy."

"Thanks."

"Do you know any way that we can help? Logan thinks he'll just find some perfect guy for you."

"Kendall, it's not that easy."

"Yeah I know, that's what I've been trying to tell him."

James sat up and faced me. He sighed and put a serious face on. "I still can't get you out of my head," he admitted quietly.

"This again? Still?"

"Yeah."

"I'm getting married, James. We're never going to work out." It was painful to say this, and I could tell that my words cut through him like a razor, but it had to be said. I couldn't have him live the rest of his life chasing after something he would never have. His eyes sparkled at me with sadness. "What am I supposed to do?" I asked. He whined softly, and I felt bad. Even though my life with Logan was great, I could see now that if I had pursued something with James, I would be happy, too.

I put my hand on his cheek and cradled his soft skin. He leaned into my palm and closed his eyes. Why was he so crazy about me? He really, truly was. He acted like an obsessive fan, who instantly feels a jolt of electricity when I get near him.

"I love you," James whispered.

"I know," I said. "And I love you, too, just in a friendly way."

"Yeah," he sighed. "I know."

"I'm sorry," I apologized and I meant it. His eyes were still closed and he breathed slow and heavily. "James…" I picked up his face with my hand and looked at him closely. He opened his eyes and stared back. It was strange. For a moment, I almost felt like we were dating, and my memories of Logan were replaced with James. There was really only one thing to do, and I did it. I closed my eyes and gave him a soft kiss on the lips. They felt so soft and sweet. He tilted his head and kissed me further. Maybe I got a little carried away, and I put my hands on his shoulders and pulled him closer to me. James slipped his arms around my waist and we kissed more. For a moment, I pulled away and softly said, "James, I always…"

Before I could finish my sentence, the front door opened and Logan came in. "That baby is just so…oh." [oh oh-oh, ohh].


	17. Alone

My heart stopped. Time stopped. I sat in an unknown dimension where my actions met consequences. Logan's face turned pale and before I could say anything, he mumbled, "I'm just gonna…go…" and slammed the door shut.

"Shit," I cursed under my breath. James looked at me and whined. "What?" I snapped. "It's all your goddamned fault anyway."

"Ohhh don't blame me!"

I tensed my fists and stood up. My pulse was beating fast and heavy. James just sat there and looked up at me, grimacing as if I was about to hit him. "Gotta find him," I said quietly and ran out of the door. "Don't go anywhere. I can't deal with two missing people."

The hallway was empty. The elevator was empty. I went to the lobby and dashed out onto the street. Logan was nowhere to be found. It would be unlike him to do something stupid or dangerous, but then again my behavior had just been quite unlike me. I tried calling his cell, but it went straight to voicemail. It was probably useless, but I sent him a text that read, "Logan, I'm sorry. Please call me." He didn't write back, of course, so I called Katie.

"Huh? What happened?" She asked.

"I don't wanna talk about it. But if he shows up at James's place, let me know, okay?"

"Uhhh, sure."

"Thanks. I gotta go." I hung up quickly and went back up to the condo. James was still on the sofa. When I came inside, I walked up to him with my hands on my hips. "What the fuck," I said.

"What?"

"He's gone. Where the fuck is my fiancé? It's your fucking fault."

"Don't blame me! Jesus Christ." James snapped and flopped back on the sofa. He put his feet up on the coffee table and turned the TV up louder.

"Really?" I asked snottily.

"What."

"You're acting like it's no big deal."

"It's not."

"It is! Logan never runs out like that. Oh, shit." I began to pace. "What do I do?"

"He'll come back," James said casually. I glared at him.

"Even if he does, he'll be even more upset when he sees you're still here. Damn." I pressed my fingers to my temples a la Gustavo and tried to think. James ignored me. I walked passed him and his precious TV show and stepped out onto the balcony. As I picked up a cigarette, I realized that my hands were shaking. I tried my best to steady them and lit up. There was no way Logan would hurt himself or anything like that, but my mind went to the worst possibility immediately. I tried to shake the bad thoughts out of my head. The cigarette was burning quickly as I smoked like a chimney. I looked into the window and watched James on the sofa. It _was _his fault. If he hadn't been so in love with me still, I wouldn't have felt like that. He practically seduced me. I was just trying to make him happy, I guess. He did look good, though.

Before my stream of consciousness could get any further, my phone rang. I flinched and my heart began to rev up again. Without even checking to see who it was, I answered. Immediately, I heard my mother's voice yell, "WHAT DID YOU DO?"

"Mom? What?!"

"What did you do, Kendall? What the hell did you do?"

"What are you talking about?!"

"Logan just showed up at my place, crying and asking if he could stay with me. You want to explain that? He's sobbing in my guest room now, and he won't tell me what happened."

"Mom, it's complicated."

"I'm really disappointed with you."

"Can you put him on the phone please?"

"Hold on." She put her hand over the receiver, but I could still hear her. She must have knocked on a door, and then she said, "Logan, honey? Kendall's on the phone, he wants to talk to you."

Muffled and congested, I could barely make out Logan saying, "No. I don't wanna talk to him."

"Sweety, are you sure?" mom asked.

"Yes," Logan answered. He sounded angry, now. "Tell him to go fuck himself. Or go fuck James."

"Oh, okay. Let me know if you need anything, okay?" I heard a door close and she came back to the phone. "KENDALL, WHAT DID YOU DO?" She suddenly screamed at me.

"Mom! It's none of your business!" I put out my cigarette and immediately lit up another. At least I knew Logan was safe, but I didn't like my mom being involved.

"I think it _is _my problem," she said. "Your fiancé is over here sobbing, angry at you and James. Why can't you just tell me?"

"Mom…"

"Damn it, Kendall. This is serious."

"You're acting like I'm a little kid."

"Can you just tell me what happened? I'm worried."

"Mom," I exhaled heavily. There seemed to be no way around this. "He walked in on James and me kissing."

She was silent for a moment. It was tense. "Why did you do that?" She asked blankly.

"James has, well, James and I used to be kind of an item. Uhh, he still erm, he still really likes me, so I guess it just happened."

"You need to control yourself a little better than that."

"Thanks, ma," I said sarcastically. "So now that I had to tell you, can you help me out?"

"This is no small thing," my mom said. She was slightly calmer now. "I think you should let Logan stay here at my place at least for tonight. He might feel differently tomorrow."

"I guess that makes sense," I agreed. "Take care of my guy."

"I will. Better than you do."

"Ouch."

"I'll call you in the morning, Kendall."

"Okay. Bye. Thanks." I hung up and shoved my phone back into my pants. The thought of a night without Logan made me sick to my stomach. Guess I'd better break the news to James.

"He's at my mom's," I said as I stepped back inside. James turned his eyes from the TV finally and looked at me.

"He okay?"

"No. He's really, really upset. He's gonna stay there until he feels better."

"Oh…"

"I'm going to bed. I don't…I don't care."

"Uh…huh?" James watched me as I slinked away to my bedroom. "Wait a minute." He got up and ran after me.

"What?" I turned around in the middle of the hallway and faced him. He stared at me desperately. "He'll be okay," he said.

"How do you know for sure?" I asked. "What if he breaks off the engagement because of this?"

"It's…" James looked down and stuck out his lower lip. "It's my fault."

"Yeah, I said that earlier."

"Well, like, since we're already here, maybe I can stay?"

"Ohh no no no no," I said quickly. I put my hand up and stopped James from coming any closer. "You're not doing that."

"I just thought that, well, you know."

"James, stop. This is how all our problems started today."

"Can I at least crash?"

I sighed. "Okay, fine. You don't need to be home for Katie?"

"She'll be fine."

As I started for the bedroom again, James tried to follow me. I stopped him with my hand. "Sofa," I said. He sighed, slumped his shoulders and dragged himself back into the living room. This whole thing was giving me a major, major headache. I took some aspirin and got ready for bed.

The bedroom seemed so empty without Logan. I pulled down the sheets and solemnly climbed in. There were no little dimples to say good night to, so soft warm body to cuddle. I looked out of the window from the bed and sighed, sighed, sighed. Even the sky looked lonely. What was I going to do? Would Logan forgive me? Hopefully it would all be better in the morning. I closed my eyes and did my best to fall asleep.


	18. Fix

Morning came, and I was so far away in my dreams that I had completely forgotten about the previous day's problems. I woke up, rolled over and tried to put my arm around nobody. Then it hit me. I opened my eyes and saw the empty expanse of mattress beside me. I had never felt so lonely inside.

The next thing I did was check my phone, but unfortunately I had no missed call, no voice mail, no text message. A part of me died inside and I slowly got up and went to the bathroom. I practically had no energy to get dressed, but I had to anyway. Upon finishing, I ran a comb through my hair and went out onto the porch for my morning cigarette. James was lying all over the sofa, surrounded by beer cans (from _my _fridge) and snoring kind of loudly. I crept by him as silently as I could and slipped through the balcony door. All things aside, it was a nice morning. The cigarette I smoked was far from enjoyable and I went through it quickly. Once I came back in, James was starting to wake up.

"Drink enough?" I asked.

"Huh?"

"Looks like you cleared out my beer stock."

"Sorry."

"I can buy more, I guess." I crouched down by the front door and put my shoes on. "I gotta go to work. D'you think maybe you can go home now?"

James yawned and stretched his arms out wide. "Yeah, if I gotta," he said lazily.

"You gotta."

"Sheesh, okay."

It would be a waste of time to talk about my day at work, as work is work, and each minute felt like an hour while I waited to hear from my mom or Logan. By the time I was out of the office, I still hadn't heard from anybody, so I took it upon myself to actually pop over there and maybe win him back. I made a few stops on my way there, too.

I pulled up in front of my mom's place, she has a house, and parked on the street. Hopefully this wouldn't backfire, but the pit of my stomach was afraid it might. I rang the doorbell and waited.

"Oh, Kendall," my mom said as she opened the door. "I didn't know you were coming."

"I figured it was the best thing to do," I said. She led me inside, but there was no sign of Logan. "Where's my boy?"

"He didn't go to class today."

"What?"

"He's just been in bed."

"Oh…"

"Let me see if we wants to talk to you." My mom looked a little huffy and walked up the stairs. This wasn't going so well. Was Logan really that upset all night, and all day? I grimaced to myself and prepared for the worst, maybe even an argument.

My mom popped her head over the top of the stairs and signaled with her hand for me to come up. I dashed to the second floor immediately. When I got there, she leaned over and whispered, "He says he'll talk to you, but he's not happy about you being here."

"Okay," I said sadly. She pointed at the door to her guest room and I stepped inside slowly. "Logan?" I called out in a soft voice. He was bundled up in bed with his face in a pillow. "_What_."

"Logan, I'm really sorry," I told him, coming closer. "It was a mistake, it means nothing."

"Nothing. Really? So does it mean nothing when you kiss _me_?"

"No. It means everything. I love you."

"Why did you do it?" He asked very stern. "Why did you do that?"

"I don't know," I said. "We were just talking, and I guess he kind of seduced me. It wasn't entirely my fault."

Logan pulled the covers down and poked his eyes out over them. He narrowed them at me. "You still have feelings for him?"

"Define feelings."

"You still love him."

"Not like that. Just as a friend."

"He still loves you."

"I know…" I stood in that room very awkwardly. For a second I suspected that Logan had overheard the entire conversation I had with James before the kiss, but I realized that was silly. "He told me," I said."

"He's told me, too," Logan said. "What do you have there?"

"For you," I said as I brandished the bouquet of roses I had been hiding behind my back. "And here, too." There was a box in my other hand.

"What is it."

"Open it."

Logan narrowed his eyes further. He pulled the covers down more. I missed that cute face. He was grumpy but still looked adorable. "What is it?" he said once again, more inquisitively this time.

"I said you'll have to open it, silly." I walked up to the side of the bed and cautiously sat down. He reached out his hands and snatched it from me. "That was easy," I said. Logan sneered at me and opened the box. His face lit up.

"Awww, Kenny," he said. "A new watch!"

"That one you've been talking about for a while."

"I know. Awww. I love it." He smiled and slapped it onto his wrist.

"Are you feeling better?" I asked.

"I guess so."

"You're won over way too easily with gifts, you know that?"

"I can't help it! It's flattering." He folded his arms and stuck out his tongue. "And I suppose James can be very seductive."

"I'm really sorry, Logie bear," I told him sincerely. "Forgive me?"

"Yes. I forgive you." He sprang out of the bed and put his arms around my shoulders. We kissed briefly. It was nice to feel him there again.

"Sorry I caused all this trouble, and you got depressed, and blah blah blah."

"Maybe I overreacted a bit," Logan said. "Just a little."

"Well, it was pretty bad. But, water under the bridge now, right?"

"Right."

"Let's go home."

Logan clung to my back and I stood up with him there. I carried him out of the bedroom and we went to leave.

"Everything okay?" my mom asked.

"Yep. Thanks, ma," I said, tipping my chin to her as I had no free hands. Logan waved the flowers at her and smiled. "You boys are something else," she said quietly. "Always have been, always will be."

When we got home, Logan immediately prepped the roses for a vase. It was like our life suddenly went back to normal, and the entire drama of yesterday was gone. He's very emotionally driven, all things considered, so he will get upset easily but also forgive quickly.

"I thought we could have something delivered for dinner," I suggested.

"Okay. That works. Just pizza I guess?"

"Whatever you want."

"I feel like something bad for me," Logan said cutely. "So let's do a greasy pizza."

"Alright," I chuckled. "Sounds good to me."

After dinner, which was nothing terrible special aside from pizza and couples banter, I decided I would draw us a bath. While Logan did what little dishes there were, I went to the bathroom and started filling the tub with hot water. He didn't know what I had planned. I laid out two towels for us, and put some bath oil into the water. It smelled really good, but nothing compared to the delight I felt in my heart now that Logan was back and happy. I would be guilty for a while, I knew that, but knowing he was safe was all I needed to be content with my life. Once the bath was ready, I called him in.

"What is it?" He asked when he opened the door.

"Take a bath with me?"

Logan blushed and put his hands up to his face. He looked edible-cute. "Okay," he whispered between smiles. We both disrobed and slowly slid into the water. It was a little bit too hot.

"Oooo," I called out. "Pssshhh. Intense."

"I like it," Logan said. He plopped his back against the wall and pulled his knees to his chest. I face him, climbed over his legs and put a big kiss on his lips. "Missed you," I whispered.

"I missed you, too."

"Did you? Even though you were mad?"

"I wasn't really _mad _mad," he said. "Seeing you with your mouth on somebody else just got me real upset. I felt violated. The more I thought about it, I started to think that it's not special when you kiss me."

"No, no, it is," I said coolly. I kissed him on the nose. "I will love nobody like I love you. You're my everything. My fucking everything."

Logan didn't say anything. He looked up at me with those gorgeous chocolate eyes sparkling. His lips separated and he looked as if he might cry.

"Baby, no no, don't cry, come on," I pleaded. I put my arms around him and held him close. "Please don't cry." He held onto my back and put his face into the crook of my neck, but he still wouldn't say a word. Perhaps he was feeling guilty about his episode. I didn't mind. Whatever emotions he feels, I can deal with. He spread his legs out and hooked them around my hips. This wasn't exactly where I thought the night was going, but it was totally okay by me. I slid my hands around to his shoulders and tenderly touched his skin. Oh, I really missed the feeling of his body against mine. He rocked back further and slipped his chest into the water. His ass ground up against my crotch and he made a naughty face. "Fuck me, Kendall," he whispered.

"You're horny tonight," I said.

"_Just fuck me_," he moaned.

"Mmmm, maybe I want to tease you a little." Logan groaned in frustration as I continued to touch him gently. I slid my fingertips down his chest, into the bathwater and across his abs. His cock was firming up nicely, as was mine. I leaned down and kissed him again. His tongue begged for entrance into my mouth, but I wouldn't give it. He whimpered and clung to my back. It was good to take my place as his dominant. His finger scratched into my skin and he let out a loud moan. I kissed his neck, nibbling the flesh there, closed my eyes and listened to his desperate panting. The lock he held around my waist with his legs got tighter and he rubbed his butt against my dick harder.

"I think you like being teased," I whispered. Logan shook his head. "No? Sure?"

"I wanna fuck," he whined. But then, his expression changed, and out of nowhere he asked, "Did you sleep with James?"

The romance died instantly. "What?" I said.

"Last night. Did you sleep with James?"

"No, of course not."

"Are you sure?" His eyes looked so innocent all of the sudden. I pet the back of his head.

"Yes, I'm sure. He stayed here, yes, but he was in the living room. I don't especially want to see him for a while."

"Okay. Well, I kinda stayed at your mom's 'cause if you wanted to fuck him, you could have."

"Whaaat? Are you crazy?"

"It doesn't thrill me, but if that's what it takes to make James happy, well…"

"No. No, it doesn't. And I didn't. I wouldn't do that. The kiss just happened out of nowhere and that was the end of it." I sat back in the tub but took Logan's hands in mine. "Yes, if I didn't have you I would absolutely sleep with him. But I do, and I didn't. I wouldn't. Don't think I would do that."

"Okay."

"You're crazy sometimes, you know that?" I asked with a smile as I ruffled his hair. "You're so sweet."

Our conversation pretty much turned off the sex-mood, so shortly thereafter we washed up and got out. It was late and we were both tired, so we dropped to idea of love making and just went to bed like a boring couple. I slipped in beside him under the sheets and wrapped my arms around him. "I missed having you here," I said, kissing him on the cheek.

"I did, too."

"I missed feeling you, smelling you…"

"Me, too." Logan turned his head to me and smiled with his eyes shut. "I'm looking forward to marrying you."

"I can't wait." I gave him another little kiss, and he soon settled in with his head on my chest. We fell asleep like that.


	19. End

"I have never been so nervous…in my…entire life…ever."

It was the night before our wedding, and Logan was standing in front of his vanity mirror having a spaz attack. He was wearing a tank top with boxer briefs, and he continuously ran a comb across his hair, staring into the mirror blankly.

"Just get some sleep, babe," I said. I was already in bed with a pillow propping my head up. The lamp by my side was on and I had been paging through a copy of _The Townhouse_ (on my mother's recommendation) to try and settle my mind. It wasn't very interesting to me. Logan kept his vision fixed on the reflection before him, and I told him, "It's a big day, but a good day. Come over here."

"It feels so final," he said quietly.

"Well yeah, I hope it does," I said with a warm smile. "I hope it _is_."

Finally, Logan turned around and peered square at me. "I've been through a lot," he said. "Back in the band we faced a plethora of scary situations. You'd think I could handle getting married."

I pulled down the bed sheet on his side and motioned for him to join, but he kept his feet firm on the ground. "Logie, please, come cuddle with me."

"Kendall, I'm scared."

"Why? Do you not want to get married?"

He smiled weakly. "Of course I do. The calm before the storm is unnerving though."

Obviously he wasn't ready to get in bed, so I decided to get out and give him a hug right in the middle of the room. He clung to me and rested his cheek against my chest. I stroked the back of his head and whispered, "It's probably the most beautiful thing we'll ever live through. I'm excited. I have butterflies in my stomach, but it feels good. I can't wait to put that ring on your finger and make my love for you official."

"Kenny…" Logan hummed. He tightened his grip around my waist and sighed contently. "I love you."

"I love you too, Logan. I love what you were, I love what you are, and I love what you will be." As I said those words, Logan looked up at me and stared with the most beautiful, innocent and adoring face he had ever made. His eyes welled up and gazed at me so lovingly that I couldn't help but silently cry. My nose became stuffed up and I felt a tear trickle down my cheek. Logan made a goofy smile. "What?" I asked, hearing my voice sound awkwardly congested.

"You never cry."

"I do sometimes, you know that."

"Yeah but rarely. It's cute. You should do it more."

"I gotta keep the pants on in this relationship, you know that, silly." I tapped him on the nose and he giggled.

"You know what?" Logan asked.

"What?"

"Everything good in our lives is all 'cause of you."

"What do you mean?"

"_You _wanted us all to go with you to LA. Because of that, we had our amazing music career and we got together."

I paused and considered what he said. It was true; all because of that one decision to bring my best buds with me to LA, we were here now. Briefly I reminisced. My memory brought me back to the audition, moving into the PalmWoods, our first album, our first live performance, and of course our _last _live performance. I had no regrets. Sure, we bailed on the band, but as I've said before, it was better than becoming desperate and we went out in a blaze of glory.

"You here, Kendall?" Logan asked. He waved his hand in front of my face and I came back to reality.

"Y-yeah, I am. Sorry."

"It's cool."

"Well, I don't want you to get cold feet, 'kay?"

"I won't."

I hugged him tighter and planted a kiss on his forehead. "It's gonna be a big day, so we really need to get some sleep," I said.

* * *

Finally the day came. It was a small service. Somehow we managed to convince my mom to have it in her backyard, considering she was the only person I knew with a house. We had invited a lot of people, but most of them couldn't attend (Logan said that was a good thing, since the crowd would be small). As I was setting up, the guests began to arrive. Logan was trying to be "traditional" and not let me see him until the actual ceremony started, so he was inside the house waiting as _I _worked my butt off.

A few people opened the fence to the yard and walked through. I immediately recognized a large silhouette and waved him down. It was Gustavo. I hadn't seen him in_ years_, and surprise surprise, he was still just as fat and grumpy, only older. I ran up to him and shook his pudgy hand. "Glad you could make it," I said.

"I gotta hand it to my dogs, you know," he answered.

"How are things?"

"_Great_, as always," Gustavo said, smug as usual. "I just signed a new batch of dogs."

"So I guess business is booming?"

"You better believe it. Here." He took a piece of paper out of his pocket and held it in his hand. "Listen, Ken-dog," Gustavo continued and pointed a stubby finger at me. "I always _hated _you, buuuut...you guys gave my career the CPR that it needed. So, I guess, I'm happy."

This was probably the only moment in my life that I ever had positive feelings about being around Gustavo. He gave me the piece of paper and I thanked him, but once I saw that it was a $10,000 check, I almost shit myself. "Are you…serious…" I mumbled. "Really?"

Gutsavo acted very humble and simply said, "Yeah. You're my dogs. But you know what? I never thought Logan would get together with you. Figured it'd be you and James."

"Huh?" I asked dumbfounded. James and I tried real hard to keep our fling a secret back in the day. "How did you know?"

Gustavo put his hands on his hips and rolled his eyes at me. "You think I don't have security cameras in the recording studio?"

"Oh," I said. I guess we weren't as stealthy as I had thought.

"Cameras in the lobby…"

"Ohhh,"

"Cameras in _my office_…"

"Ohhhhhh…uhh…don't you wanna say _hey _to the other guys?"

"Sure. Why not."

"HEY CARLOS! JAMES!" I turned around and shouted for my other friends. Soon the crowd parted and James, dressed in a lavender suit that was a little too tight for him, came bounding towards me. "Wooaah!" he exclaimed. "Who invited the G-Man?"

"James," Gustavo said. "You're looking…gay."

"A-thank you," James said with a grin. Just then, Carlos came running through a row of stackable chairs with two of his kids tailing behind. He waved at Gustavo, who greeted him with an unusually jovial smile. "Carlosssss," he said.

"Hey Gustavo, what's happening? You have met little Carlos yet, have you?"

"Not bad and no, I haven't." Carlos cleared the way and let his children run forward.

"Hey pepitos, this is Gustavo. Your papi used to work for him."

The girl, Rosa, who was almost seven now, waved and said hi. Little Carlos was just barely walking and didn't really understand what his dad was saying.

"I saw you when you were a baby," Gustavo said to Rosa, who looked embarrassed as he spoke to her.

"Hey," I interjected. "Hate to leave you all, but I gotta get ready for uh, you know; changing mah life!" I said bye to everyone, for now, and headed off towards the end of the yard where the pastor was. It was great to catch up with everyone, but now my heart began to pound as reality set back in. I must have caught the attention of the guests by running to the altar, because they were starting to gather and sit down in the rows of folding chairs laid out. Gustavo took a seat near the front, and Carlos came running up to me. "Best man, ready to roll!" He said.

"Thanks for not wearing a helmet," I told him quietly.

"I wanted to match," Carlos said, looking at his grey suit and pink tie. "The black would look too weird."

"Well, whatever the reason; thanks," I said, clearing my throat. The nervousness was building at a substantial rate. The crowd began to settle and everyone was now sitting. James came jogging down the aisle. "Logan's coming!" he said. I smiled to myself and watched him take his place on the opposing side. "Maid of honor issss _ready_!" he announced.

Everyone quieted and turned their heads towards the house. The backdoor opened up and Logan stepped up, blushing. He looked much calmer than he had the night before, and his face with bright with happiness. My chest rose heavily with my shaking breaths. I looked over at Carlos, who made one of his signature cheeky grins, pointed at the box with the rings and then gave me a thumbs up. I looked over at James, who was standing proudly and flaunting his gorgeous face as usual. I wondered if he even cared about our marriage, or was just there for people to look at him. Finally, I turned back to the aisle and watched Logan make his way down. Obviously he didn't like everyone staring at him; he was so embarrassed and shy acting. I moved my hand to tell him to walk faster. He picked up the pace and finally made it to my side. I took his hand into mine and whispered, "Are you nervous?"

"A little," he answered. "But I'm happy."

"Me, too." I chuckled quietly and so did Logan. He looked up at me with his eyes sparkling. Who would have thought that my nerdy little hockey partner from back in the day would be my blushing bride? No, no tears. I held back any nostalgic waterworks and sucked in some air. The pastor began to speak. I squeezed Logan's hand a little harder and nodded to him. "It'll be alright." I closed my eyes and prepared for the beginning of my new life.

**[An epilogue will follow. Also, look for ****_Coffee and Cigarettes: Uncut Scenes_****. I know the last chapter was a little rushed, no pun intended, but it's been taking me too long to finish and if I didn't hurry and do it, I never would. I hope you enjoyed it!]**


	20. Epilogue

_Three years later_

Every major event in your life has a catalyst; the first step that sets it all in motion. Obviously there have been many of these throughout my time on this planet, but one in particular will always stand out. It began with a phone call in the middle of the night. I jolted awake and shook Logan. "Get up, get dressed!" I said. He jumped up and immediately got out of bed, and then proceeded to scramble around the room sleepily as he tried to get dressed. We fumbled around but were out of the door in just minutes. We jumped into my car and drove as quickly as we safely could.  
"Who was it that called, actually?" Logan asked once we got to our destination. We checked in at the front and took an elevator to the third floor. My heart was thumping hard behind my ribs. "James, of course," I said. The doors opened and we ran down a long, white hallway. It was practically empty, except for at the very end I saw two people. One of them waved at us, and I picked up the pace. Logan was falling behind slightly.  
"Hey, come on Logie bear!" I called out. "You should be backflipping down here."  
"You know I can't do that anymore."  
I caught up to the men at the end of the hallway. It was James and his new boyfriend, Matt, who is equally as buff, but a bit taller and with blond hair. His face was scruffier and manlier than James's, but they both looked completely exhausted.  
"What's the status?" I asked.  
"I dunno," James said with a shrug. "They're all in there, waiting or something."  
"Wow, that is not at all helpful," Logan said as he caught up to up. I looked at him and quietly mumbled, "You need to focus less on weights and more on treadmill."  
"Shhh. Can we focus on something else?" Logan asked.  
Then I looked at Matt and asked if he knew what the story was. He shrugged as well and added, "It is starting, I know that. So when the doctor calls us out..."  
Just at that moment, the door next to James opened up and a middle aged Indian women stepped out. She looked like a nurse. "Which one of you is Mister Knight?" She asked. Logan and I both raised our hands and then giggled. "Umm, right," the nurse said quickly and stepped back inside. I looked at Logan and shrugged, then repeated the same motions to Matt and James. A few seconds later, the same nurse opened the door once more and said, "Both of you is fine. Would you like to come in?"  
"Yeah duh," I said, jabbing Logan in the ribs. We both laughed nervously and followed the nurse into the room. I pointed at James and mouthed the words, "you stay here" while I pretended to look angry.  
The nurse took us into the small room a pulled back a large canvas curtain. Sitting in the cramped hospital bed was my sister. And my daughter.  
"I can't believe you convinced me to do this, bro," Katie said. She looked absolutely tired, and pretty much horrible. But I couldn't find any words to speak. That little newborn baby which was cradled in my sister's arms was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen, ever. Logan and I walked up to the side of the bed very carefully, as if stepping into a dream that we feared would burst if we moved too fast.  
"Wanna hold her?" Katie asked. I trembled. This whole scene was so exciting and surreal, it was hard to keep up. "Yeah," Logan finally said. He leaned over Katie and gently put his hands around the infant, and then he pulled her into his arms and held her close. He turned to me and whispered, "Our little girl." There were tears in his eyes.  
"What are you gonna name her?" Katie asked. "It's not really my job."  
Logan looked up at me, all red in the face, and raised his eyebrows expectantly. I was still speechless, and the best I could do was shake my head in disbelief.  
"Hold her, Kenny," Logan comanded delicately. He shuffled closer to me and held the baby against my arms. "Hold her, Kenny," he said again, even softer. I swallowed hard, held my breath, and took my daughter from Logan's hands. I had to prop her neck up with my hand, and the whole thing was very awkward. But once I was situated and comfortable, I turned my head to look at her properly. Her eyes were closed and she was all scrunched up, still basically in a fetal position, but her body was heavy with a human soul. "Welcome to this world," I finally managed to whisper. As soon as she heard my voice, her mouth moved oddly, almost in a smile. "Logan, she has your dimples."  
Logan popped his face in front of the baby and his eye widened. "Oh my God," he said quickly. "She does." He looked back at Katie and reiterated what we had just discovered. She laughed and probably made a mocking face, but I kept my eyes on the baby. Her breathing was very comfortable. I held her against my chest and felt the warmth touching me.  
"Would you like your other friends to come in?" The nurse, who had been standing in the back the whole time, asked Katie. She said it was okay, so she brought James and Matt inside. James shuffled up to me and tried his best to supress his squeals. "She's so beautiful!" he said. "Matty Matty, come look," he signalled for his boyfriend to come. He grabbed Matt's arm and pointed at our baby. "Isn't she beautiful?"  
"Yeah," Matt said, sounding a little bored. "But not as beautiful as you." They started making out and I snapped at them, "You gotta do this here? Come on."  
"Sorry, sorry," James apologized. Of course, I was happy that James finally had someone, but this was sort of an important moment for me. James sighed and walked over to Katie. "How are you feeling?" he asked.  
"What are you gonna name her?!" Katie asked again, practically ignoring James's concern for her health.  
"I have a couple ideas," I said, shooting a wink at Logan. "But we gotta think about it."  
"Jesus Christ, come on guys, how hard can it be?"  
There was a knock on the door to the room. The nurse went and opened it up, revealing Carlos and his wife. "Hey guys, sorry it took so long," Carlos said. Katie told the nurse it was okay, and they came into the room. "My dad has the kids," he added. They both walked over to me and started cooing and making stupid noises at the baby.  
"Wooow!" Carlos exclaimed. "She is amazing! You and Katie make great babies!" He said to Logan, who blushed.  
"Does she have a name?" Carlos's wife asked. I shook my head. "Still thinking," I told her.  
"Hey, everyone?" Logan asked out of the blue. "Is there any chance I can have a moment alone with Kendall and the baby?" Following his request, the nurse suggested that we close the curtain around Katie, and ask everyone else to leave. That's what we did. So I stood in the half-moon of a room with my husband and my daughter. The bluish hospital lights beamed down onto their faces.  
"This is a big step," I told Logan. We held the baby between us. "We have a family now."  
"It's wonderful," he said cutely. I leaned in and gave him a kiss on the lips.  
"I love you," I whispered.  
"I love you, too, Kendall." He sniffed quietly, obviously trying to hold back tears. "What are you going to name her?"  
"Like I said last night," I told him. "I think that's best."  
"Me, too."  
"Opportunities like this come once in a lifetime," I said, smiling with a deep nostalgia. I looked down at my daughter and felt all sorts of warm feelings well up inside me. "Little Katie."

**[That's all, folks. I hope you enjoyed it. Sorry I got a little sloppy with the last chapters...I think I should make my stories a bit shorter, as I start to lose interest. Well, I actually started crying as I wrote this last part, so maybe it will have a good effect on you all, too :) ]**


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